You need to call the Red Cross

"Why? It wont do any good." Is the first thought I had when talking to my husband's new 'leader' in the shop.

It started last week when I noticed that a lump on one arm and a spot on the other had grown a bit in the last few months. I went to the doctor yesterday morning and she confirmed what I had thought. That one looked like a basil carcinoma (sp?) and the other looked like a melanoma.

The BCC you just punch out, sew the skin shut, and watch for any more. If you're going to have skin cancer, that's the best kind to have!! If there is such a thing as a 'good' kind of cancer.

The melanoma, not so much. I asked them to remove it yesterday and she wouldn't go near it. She said that it looked bad that they weren't sure how much skin around it would need to be remove also to get a clean border. So I have to go see a dermatologist and have them biopsy it.

I left the office ok. I had prepared myself for what was to come, as you can see what it is by just looking at it. I tried to ready myself for the blow of having it confirmed that it is what you fear. I then tried to call my mom and tell her. I couldn't do it. I managed to squeak out "I'll call you back." and hang up. I haven't had the best of luck in my life. I have had pre-cancer tissue removed from my sinuses, I have tumor still in one of my sinuses, I've had my tonsils out, my appendix out, two emergency c-sections, I just found out that I have arthritis in my knees, and my asthma is getting worse. I have the crappy genetics of this family. My FOUR brothers are all as healthy as can be. My mom has had lots of bouts with different cancers and my dad, skin cancer. So how do you tell them that your baby girl has cancer? Don't I have enough going on in my life?

I call James' shop to let them know. I told them I wasn't sure what kind of help I was looking for because I didn't know how bad, or not so bad things were. I needed to have the biopsy in order to get a grasp on the totality of the circumstance. Was it something they could just remove and I'd be fine?? Would I need chemo in a bottle (it's a lotion that you apply to the skin)? Would I need regular chemotherapy? How bad is this monster? I think it's early enough that it is something we just remove and I'll be fine. But I wont know until we get in there.

His 'boss' told me to call the Red Cross and request James to come home. His tour is up in just 4 weeks anyway, but he needs to be home to support me and hold my hand when I have surgery. It's something that I don't want to go through alone.

But the truth of the matter is, the Red Cross sucks. You have strangers behind a desk making a decision about who stays and who goes. These people don't know you, what you're going through, or you entire situation. They don't know anything about the military. They aren't medical professionals. They are random citizens that volunteer or get paid by the Red Cross to make these choices for other people.

So what do I do when I get the phone call later today that the Red Cross 'doesn't approve it' even though his shop here send him home?? I try to find someone nice enough to watch my kids for me while I go in and have these spots removed. Then, when I get the results I sit alone in my room, crying. I either just got awesome news and I'm grateful it's over for now or I just found out I'm going to need more treatment and sob by myself.

Either way, no one should have to go through this alone. I'm over 4,000 miles away from my family and relying on strangers to help get me through things in life that your family should be there for.

Oh, the glorious life of a military wife.