Saturday, October 3, 2009

Don't Perpetuate the Problem of Domestic Violence

It's 11pm on Friday night. You call him back to your house because you want to get and leave early Saturday morning. Only, what happens next you never expected. You never thought you'd be that girl.

Petrea wanted to go to Fairbanks for the weekend. It was Scott's birthday weekend. Even though they were going through a divorce (an living in separate towns), they had a son together and she wanted to stay friends. He showed up at her place around 11pm. He tried to have sex with her and she said no. She said no again, again, and again. He got mad and slammed his head into the wall three times. She got mad and told him to leave. She said she would pay for his cab ride back to the bar where his friends were, that he just had to leave.

Their marriage was never perfect. Whose is? They fought, but it gradually took on a more violent tone. He started to punch holes in walls and through stuff. Then he started to grab her, or push her, or take her phone. One day he held her down, pushed her on the ground, hit her, threw her phone so she couldn't call the police. All in front of their son who wasn't even one. She went to the police later and filed a report. They went and arrested him. He sat in jail for a day, then got out. When his work found out about it, a female Sgt. actually told her 'you should have called me not the police.' EXCUSE ME?!?!?! Since when does the military think domestic violence is ok?? Don't perpetuate the problem! There should be a zero tolerance policy! (and I can say with some certainty that in most shops, there is) The First Shirt who found about it didn't do anything about it either. Since he got away with it, nothing happened. On the civil end, the charges went no where. It was his first documented offense and they lowered it to assault and then basically let it go. (he told her that he would get kicked out of the military and wouldn't be able to pay any child support, so she dropped it and let it go)

The pattern was evident and she finally got up the courage to leave him. She went back to Canada for a few months so they could try to work things out and he could focus on trying harder. While she was gone, he cheated on her. That was the last straw for her (THAT?!?! REALLY?? He beat her and that was ok, but cheating was the end.... I'll never understand some people fully).

When she came back to the US in April of '09 she moved out. She stayed with me for a bit until she was on her feet. She got a god job and her own place. Even when she was staying with, the violence issues were evident. He would call her up and be fine one minute, then snap and freak out the next. He would come over to my house on occasion, but never when I was there. One day I came home to find his truck in my drive. I called Petrea and they came running out of the house. He hopped in his truck and took off. I asked her what was going on and she said he had pinned her against the wall and was screaming at her when I came home (now I know why he left so fast, I'm a lot bigger than he is). From then on, I had a "No Scott" rule. He wasn't allowed on my property, period. If I caught him there, she was out. I did this for her own good. If he was assaulting her in MY house, and I happened to come home..... there would have been hell to pay. And I just don't want that stuff in my house. It was for her own good, and he hadn't assaulted her since.

(fast forward to last night) After telling him to leave, he grabbed her and threw her down on her bed. He climbed on top of her and began to choke her. is hands were cutting off her air supply. She was afraid for her life. She looked over and saw their son sleeping in his pack-n-play next to her bed. She thought 'you're going to kill me right here in front of my son, you fucking ass hole.' She began to fight back and he let go. She called up a friend (not sure why) and he told her to call the police (she didn't). Scott grew even more angry, but finally left. Petrea locked the door and laid there afraid he would come back. He stayed outside her building and kept calling her, begging her to let him back in.

I called Petrea around 8:30 in the morning to see what she was up to and ask if she had talked to a mutual friend of ours. She said she had, but she hadn't seen him (I was worried about him since I hadn't heard from him and just felt something was wrong.... I right something was wrong, but wrong friend....). She said she had a long night and that Scott had come over drunk and beat the shit out of her. I lost it. I flew off the handle. I said NO MORE!!! I asked her who he worked for, she didn't know. I called up Deb whose husband went into work to find out who he worked for and who his first shirt is (and his phone number!). I told her as soon as she wakes up fully, she is to go down to the PD and file a report and get a restraining order. As soon as she does that she is to take it to the base police and file a report there and get the RO on paper there. She is then to call up his First Shirt. And I'll tell you this, the First Sgt WILL do something about it this time. If he doesn't a call is going to be made to the base commander. EVERY ONE in the military has a boss, and something will be done about Mr. Scott (and I should clarify, this is NOT my neighbor Scott.... my neighbor Scott is the one who went and got the phone number for me). He keeps on doing it because he gets away with it. He does it because he can. And Petrea, she's the perfect victim. Quiet, small, timid. Doesn't want to get any one in trouble. But, Petrea has me........... I am NOT a good victim. I am bigger and can hurt most people that try to hurt me. I'm loud and will make sure you pay the piper. Sometimes, the quiet ones need friends that aren't.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I Found a Lump

To continue on with the crazy week I had...................

We all know I had an issue with skin cancer (which by the way has all been cleared up and I'm going to be fine). My close friends here are aware of it all. My friend Jason calls me up on Monday night. He says he woke up last week and did the 'man scratch' (you know when the scratch their balls in the morning?) and he felt a lump. I was like 'On your balls?!?!?' He said no, it was lower like on the taint (I have nooo idea how to spell that, and gross!!). He went to the doctor on Monday and they did blood work. His white blood cell count came back elevated (I don't know how elevated like if it's in the cancer range or I may have a cold, or infection, or nothing big range). They did an ultrasound on the lump and said it looks like a tumor or mass.

He called me up scared and nervous. I understand that. It's the not knowing that's the worst. It's scary not knowing what's going on or what's going to happen to you. When you know what's going on, you know ho to treat it, how to handle it. You can get over the initial shock of things, put on your brave face, and do what you need to do.

So on Tuesday night he goes to pee and can't. He starts to vomit and goes in to the ER. The inject some dye and do another ultrasound on his bladder. They find several more lumps around his bladder, that look like the lump under his junk.

In my heart I want to think that everything will be just fine, but in my head I understand that it may not be. Turns out he has an appointment with Oncology at the hospital on Monday. They don't send you to Oncology unless they think that you have cancer. :( He is all kinds of torn up about it and scared (and rightfully so). He doesn't have a lot of people that he's super close to up here because he's quiet and keeps to himself. He's a really great guy with a huge heart, so isn't this fitting? Doesn't that bad stuff always happen to the good guys? I know he'll be ok, but my heart goes out to him as he struggles with how to handle the news and all the up coming doctor appts.

Either way it goes, I get it. I've been there. I've had pre-cancer tissue removed from inside my head, I have a tumor in one of my sinuses (they can't remove it), and my mom has had lots of bouts with cancer (including lots of different treatments). I'll be here waiting for the news, good or bad.

He also doesn't want to tell anyone in the shop because he is supposed to deploy in February. If he ends up on a profile he wont be able to deploy, which he really wants to do. I'll wait until the news and then advice him to make a good choice from there.

I Want to Kill Myself and My Husband is a Pucking Azzhole

Along with Cat, another character I saw this weekend was Rose. Rose is a middle aged, heavy set Asian woman. Last year she found her husband Mark cheating on her (Mark and my husband work together). Rose came home to find her husband in bed with another woman, naked, and banging. She called the other woman 'buffalo' because she was so over weight. Mark was told by his superior officers to stop the behavior immediately and to either work it out with his wife or divorce her. Mark chose divorce, only never really did it. Instead she moved out, then he moved in with her!! She kicked him out and off to Iraq he went. He continued to cheat on her through out his entire deployment.

Rose tried to turn him in again, and again, and again. Problem, the Master Sgt. in the shop was a total LOSER and refused to write up paper work on him (the military has strict rules on cheating, you can lose pay, get kicked out, or even tossed in jail). So he got away with the behavior. The behavior had no consequences, so he kept doing it.

Turns out Buffalo got pg! Now, I was thinking about timing and it doesn't seem to add up. The baby was born in April. He got back from Iraq in Jan/February. It was a 7.5 month deployment. That would have made her pg for 10 - 11 months. So, I'm having a hard time believing it's his, but that's his problem. He seems content with the woman he is with now, but I hate to break it to her, once a cheater always a cheater. Now, I know I know... not always. But in this guy's case, yeah, always. He was cheating on her before he went to Iraq! Rose had hacked into his Myspace account and found e-mails to tons of chicks. Talking about how much fun they've had and nasty pictures being sent to one another (I know this because she showed me and it was pretty gross stuff). Buffalo asked him about it (we forwarded some of the e-mails to her, she had a right to now!!) and he denied it, but the proof is in the pudding baby. It is, what it is.

When I saw her, the first thing she said to me was, 'You'll never guess what the pucking azzhole did Keem! I'm so pucking mad.' (she has a very heavy accent and it's hilarious when she cusses) Rose said that she'd been sooo sick about the entire situation that she'd been sick all the time. She even thought about killing herself. Now, is it just me or does there seem to be an abundance of people trying to commit suicide?? :( She said that she called the shop asking for my phone number and they wouldn't give it out to her (she is a little on the crazy side), so I told her I'd try to stop by her work and check up on her every now and then.

I Tried to Kill Myself and I'm Gay

I said yesterday that I've had quite the week and I ran into a few people that I hadn't seen.

One person I haven't seen in ages (since before Benji was born) is Cat. Cat is married to Randy and they have a son named Aut (not really of course). Their son and K used to play together all the time. Randy went to Iraq last year. Cat is also active duty air force. While in Iraq Cat cheated on him (did I mention there's a lot of cheating in the military??). Cat was pretty open about it, didn't hide it. He spent the night, came over hen lots of people were at her house. It wasn't a secret. I was friends ith Rochelle, whose husband Bill worked ith Randy. Of course when Rochelle found out about it she told her husband. Who turned around and told Randy.

Randy turns it all around and says Cat can't hang out with any of us and it's all our fault (HELLO!! Idiot). She drops off the face of the earth and I don't hear from her. My old roomie Casey was around during all of this and then went home. A few months ago he moves back up here. I was down in Anch. with him back in May and Cat wanted to meet up with him. She shows up and doesn't really say too much to me. What do you say? I didn't know what to say, how she was feeling, ect. I didn't know if she hated me or was mad at me (even though she had no reason to be, but she just kind of disappeared, so who knows). We part ways and I don't hear from her again for a while.

Cat's PCS time is here and she's moving to Montana. She got in her car and headed out on Tuesday. She had a box of Casey's stuff in her garage from last year. He didn't want her to just disappear with it, so he asked her to drop it off at my house, which I had said was fine. I am up in the shower and my cousin, who was still visiting, come up and tells me that Cat is at the door and she wants to wait for me to get out of the shower. I say that's fine and to invite her in.

I dry off and go downstairs to find Cat sitting on my couch. It was weird at first and then things get back to normal. She said she was never mad at me or anything, but was going through some stuff.

Turns out her husband came home and things just got bad. She was REALLY unhappy. At one point she had tried to overdose on medication. She said she was really depressed. Then she went out to the bar one night with Casey back in May/June and things turned around for her.... so she says. She met a woman. Yes, I typed that correct.... a woman. She is now in a relationship with this woman. The other girl is moving out to Montana as soon as Cat gets there and they are going to raise the 3 kids (other woman has a son and daughter) together. The other woman was a military wife. She had a husband that was AD AF (actually worked with Cat). He was supposedly physically and emotionally abusive, so the woman left him. Then started to shaggin' with Cat.

We had a few laughs and joked about Cat being the 'man' in the relationship and who wears the strap on (yeah, Cat wears it). It was good to see her, but I'm not sure how happy she really is. She still seemed sad and lost. I guess only time will tell, but I hope for her son's sake, she doesn't attempt to commit suicide again.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

You're My Hero...... Kind of

Nothing says military neighborhood like a night in shining armor, coming to the rescue! Ok only kidding about the night in shining armour.

I haven't driven my husband's car in months. Mistake. Ladies, when your husband deploys, start his car often. I'm going to say once a week, probably isn't enough. You should probably drive it at least once a week, and still get oil changes!!

I hop in it and of course it doesn't start.

Problem number two, I don't know how to jump start a car. I understand you need to hook the cables up to the battery, but that's it. I couldn't tell you what color goes on what end. I would probably blow myself and a car, or two, up. So, being the intelligent woman I am, I go ring my neighbor's bell. Braun (enter night in shining armour) says he'll be right out to help. He comes out and I go into my garage to look for cables (we have two sets). I can't find either set in the mess that has become my garage since I moved in a few months ago (trust me, it's bad in there). Braun goes and knocks on Brian's door next door. He comes out to get his cables out of his truck. The first thing I say to him is 'Shut up.' He says 'Oh! The cables are for Kim? In that case, never mind!' and turns around. He was only kidding of course and let us use his cables. After a few minutes Braun gets the car to start up and tells me it will need to run for a bit.

I let it run and then drive it up the street to the BX (it's like a Walmart for military members, only they have better stuff). I shut it off and try to start it again (I want to make sure that it will start up again of course). It doesn't start. I call Braun to tell him I need yet another jump, that I'm stuck up at the BX with the kids. He says he'll be right down (thank you Kim S for donating your hubby!!).

I get some stuff I needed to make soup and call Braun up. He is at the store buying jumper cables. I tell him he's my hero and we get through check out. We get outside and try to figure out a way to get his truck in close enough to jump the car. As he pulls out his cables, I state the obvious.... some day he's going to need a jump and will pull out his cables. He is going to think of and thank the fact that his neighbor is really dumb and doesn't have (errr, can't find) her jumper cables and gets stuck at the store.

I'm Coming Home

It's the phone call you LOVE to get. Very few phone calls involving a deployment/the military are good. None as good as this one. It's the phone call saying your loved one is coming home.

The military made an error in our favor. No, that never happens. They messed up a flight schedule for the guys in TX that are going to Iraq. My husband should be home in around two weeks, instead of three. It's the military so nothing is for sure until it's actually happening, but it's something to hang on to.

You always have a fight before they get home, then some huge fight when they are actually home. It's the stress of the upcoming homecoming and the stress of trying to adjust to married life again. Every one does it, and it's normal. But it still sucks!! This will be our third big homecoming (not counting his R&R from Korea). So we're kind of used to it and getting better at managing the stress of it all. But we're still human and we still fight.

The fighting is all worth it though, to hold them in your arms again.

The short story, Long Time No See




I've had a CRAZY week, as is almost always in the life of a military wife.
The short of it is that I ran into some people I haven't seen in a long time, a friend got bad news, and I saw a family member that I love.

My cousin Jean from WI came up for a visit. I haven't seen her since May, like the rest of my family. She has four boys and a hubby, but only she came up for a visit. It was sooooooooo nice to see her and spend some 'girl' time with her. I also got to get out and visit parts of Alaska I haven't seen in a while.

We went down to Whittier (teeny tiny village), up to Hitcher's (mountain pass), downtown Anchorage, cruised around base, and just had a good time. I feel bad for her though. 1) I was just plain CRANKY! I didn't know why, but turns out I was getting sick! So the first two day she was here I was cranky because I was coming down with something. Then the last three days she was here I was sick and just no fun. She left this am and I'm feeling 100% better tonight, go figure. 2) She was up here without her family and wasn't able to share the journey with her husband and kids. 3) Her mom just died 10 weeks ago (not sure if I wrote about it, but my Aunt Marcy died a few days after Ben got out of the ICU). Even more than that, her mom was here just a day before she died. An Alaskan cruise was her last trip and she loved it here. So when we were in Whittier, we dumped some of Aunt Marcy's ashes in a nice, gorgeous creek. We didn't know it at the time, but Aunt Marcy had been there, just 11 weeks prior. We found a great spot and I think Aunt Marcy will really like it there.


Kayla is finally potty trained. Nothings says you have a newly potty trained toddler than lugging around a potty seat with you where ever you go and stopping to have your toddler pee in a tiny potty chair on the side of a mountain.


Friday, September 18, 2009

Motto: If we didn't do the procedure, you aren't our problem

I will start by saying that I go to the gym about 5 days a week. It allows to me work out the frustrations that go along with being a military wife, but also the wife of a deployed military member. Things like sexual frustration (if you're not the cheating kind), frustration with your children and daughter who constantly says 'No' and 'I miss my daddy!!,' frustration with your husband for not calling or writing. Frustration for being thousands of miles away from family/friends this entire deployment and no one coming to visit you and not being able to afford the $2,000 to fly you and the kids home.

I go to the gym at about the same time every morning. I got to know some of the other regulars over the summer. One 'set' is a couple in their 80's, Kurt and Betty, and their son Kurt (in his 60's I suppose). Kurt Sr. is retired AF and so is Kurt Jr. Kurt Jr. was an officer, not sure about Kurt Sr. Ms. Betty is the cutest old woman I have ever met. She lifts her weights and then walks around the play equipment that is in the center of the building (huge building, in the middle is a playground for kids, a track around it, table to one side, and exercise equipment on the other side). I mean she is just a go getter.

All of that info. is important at some point, I promise.

I have skin cancer. I had the spots removed over 2 weeks ago, at a dermatologist office base. I had five stitches in one arm and three in the other. I was told they would dissolve in two weeks and if not to go in and have them removed.

Two weeks later, they were still in there. Rather than spending more money out of my pocket I called the base and asked if I could go in and have my PCM (primary care manager, AKA doctor)take them out. They said that the surgery center has a walk in wound care clinic and they can remove my stitches, I don't need to wait on an apt with my PCM. SWEET!

I go straight to the hospital and up the elevator to the second floor. I step off the elevator and some place behind me I hear a tiny voice say 'HEY! What are you doing here?!?!' I turn around and there's Ms. Betty!! (aren't you glad I told you who she was?!) She is wearing hospital gowns, but no where near the regular clinic. I ask her what happened and she said that she had her gallbladder taken out the night before (Sunday). I sympathize with her for a minute and tell her I'm there to get my stitches out. She says she needs to talk to someone that works there, that's she's lost. She said they sent her to walk around for a bit and now can't find her room (she was no where near any patient rooms, so I had no idea where she came from). I say, 'well I'm going to the surgery center and I bet that's where you were, since you had surgery. Come with me and we'll get you back to your room.'

We get to the desk and the guys asks how he can help us, I tell him to take care of Ms. Betty first. She explains she doesn't know where her room is and she needs to get back. He says 'do you know where you were? what center you were in?' Now, let me get this straight..... this little old lady says she's LOST and you ask her if you know where she is supposed to be. Uhhhhh, if she knew where she was supposed to be, don't you think she could have followed the signs back there!!! I'm just sayin'. Now I'm getting a litte frustrated with this guy because you can see it is embarrassing her and she needs to rest too. She tells him she was in room 210 and the guy again asks what center. She says she doesn't know, again. At this point, I've had enough and step in. I tell her to go sit down, I'll deal with this Sgt. I say, 'She had SURGERY! we're at the *gasp* surgery center!! How many room 210's do you have?!?! Call back to the clinic behind you!' Does he do that? No. He starts to call all over the hospital and no one has a patient by that name (I would also like to point out, had he called the admissions desk, they could have told this idiot where she belonged). Now I'm really mad. I yell, 'CALL THE DESK BEHIND YOU!! Call the surgery center!' So he does (I could have taken this guy ;) ). A Lt. answers the phone, he asks if they have a pt. Betty X back there. The Lt. says yes, bring her back! (w/o the Sgt. telling the Lt. we had Ms. Betty)

I turn around and say "Betty! How long have you been walking for?!?! They know you're missing!" lol She says it hasn't been that long. This is also the 80 yo woman who walks at least 2 miles every morning... so she was probably gone for a while. She was still embarrassed and even saying 'this is so embarrassing.' So to take her out of the 'I'm old and lost mentality' I told her, 'I'm going to tell Mr. Kurt that I caught you trying to escape! If I hadn't captured you, the jailbird, you were going to make a break for it!!' I get her to laugh and re-assure her it's not a big deal at all (and to be fair, that hospital is very poorly designed and I can never find the clinic I need.... tiny hallways that are hidden behind bathrooms and all kinds of weird crap).

The guy takes her back to her room then comes to get me to remove my stitches. This is the same guy I'm not totally pleased with. We get to the exam room and I tell him what's going on. He says that since I didn't have them done there, a doctor needs to come in and take a look before he can remove them

A Coln. walks in. Here we go. He says hi, asks whats going on. I tell him I need my stitches out. he takes a look and says, these look like dissolvable stitches. Oh really?! I didn't know that, moron. Of course they are dissolve stitches, but have they dissolved?? noooooooooooooooooooo. It's been two week, they said to have them removed so here I am.

"what did you need stitches for?" I got into a knife fight with a Russian mobster, what the hell does the reason matter for? Stop being nosey and take out my stitches. "I have skin cancer" I say. I go on to say that I think the one side is infected. "Why do you think that?" Because I thought it would be fun to say. HELLO!! "It's REALLY bothering me, still sore. Oh and PUSS COMES OUT when you barely brush it." He says "it's probably just skin." Oh really? Because even my 10 year old niece can tell the difference between SKIN and puss.

He cuts out the stitches and goes "OH! You have a very nasty infection in there. There's a roaring monster in there." Really?? Say it isn't so, or that I hadn't just said that. He says I need to make a follow up in a couple days with the doc that did it.

WHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT?!?!? I'm at the WOUND CLINIC! You are a WOUND DOCTOR!! I am a patient, with a wound. I have a CRAZY idea, how about you treat me!! Ah well, the military didn't do the procedure, so why should we waste our time fixing it?! Oh did I mention that the doc. normally doesn't remove stitches that the NCO's do... and the NCO stood there, in the room, holding this little tool kit for the doctor (and by tool kit I mean a pair of tweezers).

Ahhhh, the glorious life I live as a military wife.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Mmmmmmmmmmm Doughnuts

(Thanks Scott!)

So, Airmen X was removing a part from a jet. This part is very heavy and can swing out. You are supposed to wear a special helmet when removing this part. (what does this have to do with doughnuts??) This airmen was 'busted' by a safety guy and got into trouble. They told him he had to go and see the commander.

Scott, who is the NCOIC had to take said airmen to see the commander (they went with another NCO also). They knock on the door and walk into the commander's office. Where he sits eating a jelly doughnut. He has them come in and stand there. The commander continues to indulge in this jelly doughnut, spilling crumbs and jelly into his lap.

They tell the commander about the 'infraction' and the guy stops and says "wait a minute, they have helmets? When I was an Airmen, they didn't give us safety helmets to wear!" lol Scott and the other NCO are looking at each other like 'wait a minute! You're supposed to be giving this guy some fantastic ass chewing!'

The commander continue with his doughnut. Then his cell phone rings. He says 'Oh this is a very important phone call, I have to take it.' He starts to talk about fishing. Turns out, it was his brother calling to tell him about some fishing trip he was just on! The commander, while talking about fishing, continues to finish his doughnut and spill crumbs on his dress blues shirt.

Scott ended up leaving with the Airmen and doing the ass chewing on his own. I guess if you ever get into trouble, hope that you get a commander that's really into his doughnut.

Don't Kick the Puppy

We were all sitting by the fire the other night and this story came around, I felt I had to share.

(Thanks Ty)

The Commander was giving a speech at a comm call about moral. He said, "How many of you guys own puppies?" 90% of the people raise their hand. He said "Don't go home and kick the puppy." Everyone looked around confused. He went on to explain. If the commander comes in and says, 'ya know, this place really sucks. You guys suck!' The officers go down the chain and tell the NCOs 'this place sucks, you guys suck.'

The NCO's will go down and tell the airmen 'this place sucks, you guys suck.'

The airmen get the brunt of it and go home in a pissed off mood. He yells at the wife. The wife, in turn, yells at little Johny. Little Johny turns around and kicks the puppy. So if you have a bad attitude at work, it's your fault the puppy gets kicked. Don't kick the puppy!

He went on to ask who has cats? Some people raised their hands. He said "This place sucks!!"

Ahhh, a commander with a sense of humor. :)

Bottom line though, your attitude effects everyone around you. If you are down, it can cause other people to feel down. Chin up.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

So lets make the world spin!!

Since I will be talking about what the doctor says tomorrow, I thought I should up date.

When called back and offered cash (thanks mom!!), not Tricare, I got in less than 48 hours later.

So it is, 100% about the health insurance. Thanks Uncle Sam for taking care of your military families!! (that was sarcasm)

Monday, August 31, 2009

Money makes the world go round

I have skin cancer. I need to see a specialist, that the military can't provide for me.

I also have Tricare. Tricare is govt. run health care at it's finest. It's like medicaid in that it only pays doctors a fraction of what they ask for and takes forever to pay out.

Tricare sends this authorization saying yes, we approve for you to go see this specialist. You get * many visits, you get to have * procedures done, and * lab work done. Anything over those limits, I could end up having to pay for (so Dear Doc, please only do what the govt. approved).

I call this specialist in downtown Anchorage. They happen to be some of the best in the state and are right at the best hospital in town (where our son was born and in the ICU). I am asked what I need to come in for, I tell her. I am asked if I am a new patient and say yes. Then the big question, who is your insurance provider, I tell her. She THEN tells me they are only allowed to take on so many new Tricare patients at a time (and I already know why because of an incident at a peds. office which I will also get to). She says I can't come in until December!! I about have a heart attack!! If this is a severe cancer, I want it off of my body NOW!!! Yeah well, that's not an option....... I have govt. run health care and they can only AFFORD to take on so many of their patients at a time, I'll have to wait my turn. She said once I get in, they will take care of things right away (I wont have to wait months to remove the spots or anything). So it's all a matter of affordability to them, and they can't afford to take me on right now. Three months could mean the difference between chemo and just having the spots removed. But the doctor can't afford to take me on at the moment.

Although she briefly touched on the I have Tricare and they can't afford it, I know a lot behind it. A friend of mine worked at the peds. office I wanted to take my son to when he was first born (he ended up needing to be in Anchorage and not in the village we lived in, so that didn't matter). She said they don't take Tricare usually because they never pay and when they do finally cough up the money, it isn't nearly enough. She was able to talk one of the doctors there into seeing me because I was her friend.

So there you have it. When you have govt. run health insurance and doctors, you can't get in to see the specialist you need to or they refuse to see you all together!! I know this for a fact because I've lived through it.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

They don't want him to come home

But that's not much of a shock. The doctor said to leave my case open pending the results of my biopsy. My husband will be home in 6 weeks anyway.

So good or bad, I'm doing it alone. I get to go in and have surgery by myself. I have to beg a neighbor to watch my children while I go in. And who knows how much help I'll need there after (since there is a spot on both arms). Then when the news comes down, I'll be alone.

I hate the military right now and hate the govt. Govt. medicine at it's finest....... they decide whether I am going to be alone or not when I get this information.


What I haven't told any one is that I'm not going to go in. I'm not going to go in and have these spots removed. I can't. I CAN NOT do this one on my own. This has been such a trying summer, with so many things going wrong. I'm am done. I can't emotionally handle another blow right now. I need the support of SOMEONE and am thousands of miles away from any one that I love.

Good, bad, or otherwise..... it's going to have to wait.

You need to call the Red Cross

"Why? It wont do any good." Is the first thought I had when talking to my husband's new 'leader' in the shop.

It started last week when I noticed that a lump on one arm and a spot on the other had grown a bit in the last few months. I went to the doctor yesterday morning and she confirmed what I had thought. That one looked like a basil carcinoma (sp?) and the other looked like a melanoma.

The BCC you just punch out, sew the skin shut, and watch for any more. If you're going to have skin cancer, that's the best kind to have!! If there is such a thing as a 'good' kind of cancer.

The melanoma, not so much. I asked them to remove it yesterday and she wouldn't go near it. She said that it looked bad that they weren't sure how much skin around it would need to be remove also to get a clean border. So I have to go see a dermatologist and have them biopsy it.

I left the office ok. I had prepared myself for what was to come, as you can see what it is by just looking at it. I tried to ready myself for the blow of having it confirmed that it is what you fear. I then tried to call my mom and tell her. I couldn't do it. I managed to squeak out "I'll call you back." and hang up. I haven't had the best of luck in my life. I have had pre-cancer tissue removed from my sinuses, I have tumor still in one of my sinuses, I've had my tonsils out, my appendix out, two emergency c-sections, I just found out that I have arthritis in my knees, and my asthma is getting worse. I have the crappy genetics of this family. My FOUR brothers are all as healthy as can be. My mom has had lots of bouts with different cancers and my dad, skin cancer. So how do you tell them that your baby girl has cancer? Don't I have enough going on in my life?

I call James' shop to let them know. I told them I wasn't sure what kind of help I was looking for because I didn't know how bad, or not so bad things were. I needed to have the biopsy in order to get a grasp on the totality of the circumstance. Was it something they could just remove and I'd be fine?? Would I need chemo in a bottle (it's a lotion that you apply to the skin)? Would I need regular chemotherapy? How bad is this monster? I think it's early enough that it is something we just remove and I'll be fine. But I wont know until we get in there.

His 'boss' told me to call the Red Cross and request James to come home. His tour is up in just 4 weeks anyway, but he needs to be home to support me and hold my hand when I have surgery. It's something that I don't want to go through alone.

But the truth of the matter is, the Red Cross sucks. You have strangers behind a desk making a decision about who stays and who goes. These people don't know you, what you're going through, or you entire situation. They don't know anything about the military. They aren't medical professionals. They are random citizens that volunteer or get paid by the Red Cross to make these choices for other people.

So what do I do when I get the phone call later today that the Red Cross 'doesn't approve it' even though his shop here send him home?? I try to find someone nice enough to watch my kids for me while I go in and have these spots removed. Then, when I get the results I sit alone in my room, crying. I either just got awesome news and I'm grateful it's over for now or I just found out I'm going to need more treatment and sob by myself.

Either way, no one should have to go through this alone. I'm over 4,000 miles away from my family and relying on strangers to help get me through things in life that your family should be there for.

Oh, the glorious life of a military wife.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Your neighbor is a crazy bitch!!

Living on base has been, well...... an experience. I have never lived on a military base before. It has been wonderful!! I have the best neighbors in the world really, and couldn't have asked to live next to nicer people.



A, D, J, and K are awesome! They are there if you need anything, willing to help out, and they understand. They have been through deployments and they get it. They know what you go through.



When I first moved in my neighbors in D unit were, ummmmmm different. She talked a little smack about the other women (which i let go in one ear and out the other, I like to make my own judgements on people) and her DH said they were 'anti-social.' I live in a cul-da-sac and most of the people in my building and the next one over cookout on the weekends and have a fire in the middle of the court. Everyone brings a dish, hangs out, has a drink or two, and enjoys the very short summer we have.



Well D unit neighbors were crazy. They never came out to hang out (that doesn't make them crazy) and didn't get along with anyone in the court. They called housing to 'report' everyone (except me, I was never reported because they 'liked' me).



"so and so has too much stuff in their yard. So and so has too many cars. So and so makes too much noise."



STUPID complaints. Well people in the next building (A & T in C unit ) have friends in housing. He would tell A&T when they (D unit) called to complain.. which he probably shouldn't do. One day after A&T were made aware of all the stupid complaints, T was outside working on his truck. People in a separate building were PCSing and had a Uhaul in the court. Tony (guy from D Unit, my neighbor) went over and started to yell at the guy!! He was throwing his arms around and just having a temper tantrum. Then the wife of the guy comes out and Tony is yelling at both of them. T (from C Unit) is just laughing, watching this happen. Turns out Tony was pissed that the Uhaul was in the court. HELLOOOOO!! We ALL PCS at some point. You know damn well what they're going through and that it's only going to last a week.

Well, now it's D units turn to PCS. They want to park their semi in front of my house. Which I don't have a problem with. HOWEVER, he's been such a jerk to everyone.... do I pay it back?? A little justice in the cul-da-sac? Well, it never even made it to me.

Tony asked the people next to me in B Unit to move their truck first (then were going to come ask me to move DH's car). They said 'No.' They knew that he'd thrown a fit about a stupid Uhaul, and just said No.

Well the wife of Tony, Maria, comes knocking on my door. Am (from B unit who told them no), HAPPENS to be in my house at the time. Am got the door then took off back to her house. I was like, 'what the hell' and went to the door. There stand Maria, SHAKING she is soooo mad at Am. I about started to laugh right then and there. She goes on to say how Am is such a bitch for not moving their truck and blah blah blah. Now, Maria is being LOUD. I mean, LOUD. It was a nice day so people had their windows open. I was able to get her to move into the street where we stood. She was just going on and on about how Am and her DH are horrible, rotten people. I came to their defence. I said, 'actually Am is a VERY nice person. You're going to hell for having bad thoughts about a nice person.' At this point, I am trying my hardest not to smile and laugh. Then she decided to start in on all of our other neighbors. And she was talking some trash if I've ever heard it........ and waving her arms around and being all dramatic. I've dealt with crazy people because of working in law enforcement, so I just stood there trying not to laugh, listen to her go off. Then she got a bit out of line. I was like 'SHUT UP!! People are going to start coming out of their houses!!' She was being super loud, and windows are open.... and, I have friends there. I knew it was only a matter of time before women started to come out, thinking she was yelling at me, and come to my defense. Well, moments later I see women starting to come out. A (T's wife) comes out and asks if I'm ok. I tell her to go back inside. Then Am comes back out and comes down to us.

Oh man, I wish I had this part on film.... Am walks up to us and is all like 'Hi!' LOL Maria starts turning red and is shaking again she is sooooooo mad!! This woman was soooo strung on Am being the biggest bitch in the world, it was just funny to watch her reaction. Am was polite and calm. Eventually Maria goes away.

They ended up parking the trailer in their driveway and Maria stood out there laughing like she had some how stuck it to the neighborhood, lol. I was outside with A when she was doing this, so we sat there laughing back at them and all A could get out was 'Your neighbor is a crazy bitch!'

I don't mind living next to crazy people, it is usually pretty funny if nothing else.

Everything is so bitter sweet


My friend Ness' husband is home on R&R. What a wonderful opportunity to get a break from the stress of a deployment for him and his family. However, I've been through R&R during a one year deployment. Those few weeks that you get to see your loved one is the best thing in the world. That one last hug, that one last kiss....... that one last look into their eyes.


It's all drowned in a cloud of knowing. Knowing that in just a few short days it's all going to come to an end again and you'll go through a painful goodbye, once again. Everyday they are home, you dread the day that approaches, all too fast, when they have to leave again.


J is due back from his deployment in just 8 weeks, about 60 days. I can do two months standing on my head, holding both kids. But I know the day he comes home will be bittersweet. You are so amazingly over the moon to see your loved one again, safe on our soil. What you also know, in the back of your mind, is that it wont be your last homecoming. That in the months to come, you'll be saying goodbye, again. I know that in November of next year, my DH could deploy yet again. I know without a doubt that if he is still in the military he will deploy again in the next two years. I know I'll having to say goodbye, yet again.


What do you do when you know you'll have to go through a long, terrifying deployment again?? Take it one day at a time and enjoy every single day you have with them. You try not to take things for granted. We can be in the middle of a giant fight, even when he's deployed, and we still say 'I love you' every time we end a phone call or chat. I know it may be the last time I get to say it and if nothing else, he wont ever have a doubt in his mind how I feel about him.

Even though it is bittersweet, I would give ANYTHING for my husband to have R&R (he doesn't get to come home on a 'break' and I haven't seen him since early March). It may be painful knowing that he has to leave again in a few short days, but those you have together are simply amazing.

If I go down, I'm taking you with me!!

My DH got and e-mail from the new Tech. in charge. DH is deployed still (obviously), so this was an e-mail introducing himself and saying hi. He wanted my info as well as our kids so they could help us better. This guy seems all about family, which is a very nice change of pace in that shop. He seemed to actually care how the kids were and interested in helping out the family any way he, or the guys in the shop, could.

Now, it was ended with something like this:
"I've heard through the rumor mill, that blah blah blah blah blah"

James asked if I would call this Tech and tell him what's going on. I did. I was not to happy about it. I wasn't mad at James or the Tech., but that someone in the shop was talking about me/my situation and shouldn't have been. Not only were they talking about us, but the information was wrong. (it's just about the house situation, so it's not horrible or anything, just miss-information)

I told him that as a leader it's his job to A) tell them it's NONE of their business B) they are wrong (not to mention out of line) and C) STOP talking about it and adding fuel to the huge rumor mill that is the military. He said he had told them that and I went on to explain the situation. (we're doing a short sale on the house, but it was explained to him that we just skipped out on the house and weren't paying, weren't in contact with the bank, ect. Which isn't true of course.... so it was just a 'set the record' straight kind of a thing, not a huge deal)

But it got me thinking, you assholes in my husband's shop:

1) SHUT YOUR MOUTHS! I don't talk about you, don't talk about me (good bad, or other wise. What happens out side of works, needs to stay there. Put your big boy pants on and grow the piss up)

2) My husband is in Iraq. MOST of you have been there. You know what it's like and what he's going through. Dealing with dumb little shit like this, shouldn't even be on his radar! Leave people and their families alone while they are deployed. You just don't go there. Grow up.

3) If you try to take me down, I'm going to take your loser ass with me!!! Let me elaborate on this...... :)

I know that Dildo (airman in the shop) was banging another airman in the military. Not a big deal. But I know that this female he was baning, is married. To someone else in the military. You can't mess around with married women dude, it will end your career!! I also know that he has a big mouth and likes to talk trash about people. I don't hang out with him because he has a big mouth and blows stuff out of proportion. He also lies. BUT I know the chick he was nailing and I've seen them out in public (again, what are you thinking?!?!).

I know that JT is gay. He even has a wife and kid. I know that he likes men and enjoys giving head. He also likes to have sex with strangers (men). I don't care if your gay..... but the military does.

I know that the old 'leader' cheated on his wife while in the desert last time. He met his now wife there, started to nail her and then got divorced. You just made Senior Master..... not sure how that happened, considering you were one of the worst leaders I've EVER seen (I'd I've seen a lot).

I know that SM was talking shit about his now wife, when he first got up here.... with out her. I bet she'd love to know that.

I know that JR is messing with a married woman. I know this married is ALSO two-timing him (he is a good friend of mine though, and I've warned him several times. He's even caught her..... so now it's his own bad for being stupid). She could lose custody of her son during the divorce process if her soon to be Ex knew what she was up to. BUT her Ex cheated on her and even beat her. Which SHOULD end his career...... but his Sgt. is in love with him!!

I know that JMs wife has ass loads of mental health issues (but she's as sweet as can be!)..........

Military members have lots, and lots of deep dirty little secrets. Along with lots of problems..... A friend of mine was raped while her DH was in Iraq. The military refused to send him home. He's not mission essential (the job would get done just as well w/o him). The military is FULL of losers (they should have sent him home, but his boss over there was a huge loser), but so is the civilian world.

I don't go around telling everyone in the shop every one elses issues, problems, ect. Because it's not my place. People tell me things and it goes in one ear and out the other, the rumor mill is vast and deep. I see things and I keep it locked away. It's no one elses business at 'work' what so-and-so did last weekend. As long as you do your job and don't mess up at work, I don't care. If it doesn't impact me or my family, I don't care. Bang your neighbor or the boss.... I don't care. There was a 'rumor' about my house. What did I do? I called up the guy in charge and told him the real situation (which I didn't have to do!! He had no right to question us or get involved, but I wanted to clear up a misconception). I'm going to find out who he heard this 'rumor' from and I'll deal with it accordingly. But for someone to spread a rumor about someone else and not think it will happen to them or that the person wont find out?? LOL!

The best policy is to NOT socialize with ANY ONE you work with. Stick to neighbors and people in other shops. And when someone comes to you with a 'rumor', squash it. You wouldn't like it if it was about you.... don't perpetuate the problem and encourage it.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Who are you?





When you don't see someone for a long period of time, you begin to forget what they smell like, what they feel like, and what they look like. I have hit that point. J was sending me pictures of himself the other day and I couldn't even pick him out in some of the pictures. then there were some head shots of him and a few other people and some of them I had to stop and go 'that's not him. or is it?'


What a depressing time to realize that you don't even recognize a man you've been married to for 5 years. But the truth is, I am not the only one. There are thousands of men and women all over our country going through the same thing. I don't think that the general public truly understands what it is like. You can't tell me 'oh I get it! My husband is gone on business for three weeks at a time.' Oh really? Can he call home every night? Is he taking on small arms fire? Rockets? Bombs? IEDs? Is he watching his best friends get killed or injured daily? Is he gone for up to 18 months at a time? Unless he is, then no, you don't understand and you never will. Please don't try to sympathize with me and say that you get it, because honestly you don't and I'm glad that because my husband is serving there is a family out there who will never have to understand it. Our family is strong enough to get through it, I know there are a lot of families out there that aren't.


Monday, May 25, 2009

Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day every one.

May you all remember why you have this day off of work. Thank you to all of the men and women have served or are serving this great country.

Shut Up, You're Just a Fat Bitch

You can never go out with a bunch of younger guys to a bar, and expect it to be drama free. Just sayin'.

The Aces have made it into the fight for the Kelly Cup. So fo course I went to the game Friday, which they lost (don't get me started!). I also went to the game on Sat. Both nights I went with 'JT' who is one of my husband's troops (nice kid).

Sat. Chels went too and we had her drive us. We had a few drinks at the game, where I promptly got into a fight with one of South Carolina's Ast. Coaches. No, you can't take me any where. The people around me were cheering me on, and I had to reply with 'please don't encourage me.' Because honestly, that's not a good thing. my bad behavior shouldn't be encouraged.

After the game we met up with 'Es' (another guy in DH's shop). We had Chels drop us off at the bar. We played darts for a while and JT got drunk, way too fast. He was going around flirting with all kinds fo chicks (it was pretty funny to watch at least) and some chicks didn't like it. So one girl was being a HUGE bitch and happened to be sitting at a table right next to ours. She started to get nasty and Es started to tell her off, for JT. Well, she didn't take it well. After a new, Es was like 'Sit down and shut up. You're nothing but a stupid fat bitch anyway.' I about fell off of my chair laughing, because she promptly sat down!! BAAAAHHHHH HA HA HA

After a little bit, I'd decided I'd had enough for the night and called Chels to come get me. She got there at about 1:30am. I told JT and Es I was leaving and asked if either of them needed a sober ride. They said they were both good, so I said good night and left.

I got home and crawled into bed. My head hit the pillow and my phone started to go off. It was JT. He said he needed I ride home. I told him it was too late, the DD was already at home for the night. Got nothing back. About 30 min. later I got another message that said 'some guy just punched me in the face 3 times'.

WHAT?!??!

I didn't get that message until I got up for the day. Turns out, right after I left JT got kicked out of the bar for being too drunk. I guess he should have left when I said it was time, eh? While outside some guy started a fight with him. JT ignored him and was waiting for his DD to get there. Then, while JT was watching the cops give some guy a ticket across the street, the little ass hole came up and sucker punched him in the jaw 3 times. The guys girlfriend pulled him off of JT and said he should leave before JT started to hit him back. In the mean time security was out there. Es was still in the bar and JT called him. Es comes out with 3 security guys and the little shit that suck punched JT took off.

Ah, a night of drinking isn't complete in the military unless someone gets punched in the mouth.

Moveing, again

Well, in the military you move. A lot. I, for one, hate the move but like the excitement of the move. I hate not being able to find baby wipes and underwear, spoons and remotes. Things get lost and broken, but 'changing' isn't that bad.

We've just moved from a town 45 miles away, onto base. We have never lived on base for personal reasons. I'm sure it will be interesting. One neighbor 'B & A' have two kids that are nice (9 and 11 I think) and they seem pleasant as well. 'A' seems like a real sweet heart and they have a HUGE dog that is really nice. They moved in at the same time I did (same day) so will be here for the rest of the time we are. The other side of us is 'T', and his wife (whose name has slipped my mind), and they're two boys (15? and 10-ish). So no kids Kayla's age, but my friend Chels lives in my back yard basically and they have a daughter close to K's age, so that will be nice.

The hospital and BX are all right here and J wont have to commute for over an hour each way every day.

Being on base is kind of hard when he is gone. Obviously, there are people in uniform all over and for the most part it doesn't bug me. But I have my days that I want to cry at the sight of the uniform. Only 4.5 more months...... 'only'.

Kayla is now gone and in WI until July with grandma and grandpa C. She's having so much fun I don't think that she is going to want to come home!! :) So it's just me and Benji. Casey has mvoed out to stay in the Valley near his work and is living with some 'crazy' chick (so I've been told). I've gotten the house almost all unpacked and have only lost one remote in the move, not bad.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Cheating Season? Open to all idiots

It's cheating season! All idiots are welcome to participate.

It isn't really cheating season, but it sure seems like it. I was told today that another friend of mine, M, will be getting a divorce. She filed yesterday and will be leaving the state ASAP. I can't blame her. N, her husband, is cheating on her. There are all of these random, weird text messages from women and phone calls and pictures. Then, he'd disappear for hours on end when he was just going to the store to get some milk. It happened all the time, excuse after excuse as to why he was coming home late.

I can honestly say, I saw this one coming. This marriage was sooooooooo filled with problems it was unbelievable neither of them killed each other. I suppose I should stop there and leave it alone for now, we can always come back to it. :O)

Monday, April 27, 2009

That Cheating Ass Hole

Ah, and so it begins.

3 weeks into J's deployment he called home to say they had been finding used condoms in the showers. First, EWWWW! You're so lazy you can't even throw them away? C'mon, that's just nasty.

Second, they'd only been gone 3 weeks, THREE WEEKS!! You can't go three weeks w/o sex? Wow, way to have self control!

Now, let me explain..... there are about 150 people in that 'group'. I'd say there are about 12 women total in that group. Being conservative I'd say that ONLY 9 or 10 were married or gay (or in a relationship). That leaves 2 or 3 girls that are single. I'd guess that at least 90% of the guys are married, gay, or in a relationship. So, odds are at least ONE person that was having sex was cheating, if not both. THREE WEEKS OUT!! and cheating already. Disgusting!

Then about a week later my friend 'Ness' tells me that an E3 (I think that's what it was) and an E6 were caught having sex. That is a BIG NO NO alone. An NCO isn't supposed to be messing around with a private. Put that little tid bit aside. I 'think' he was married (the E6) and she is engaged. Not only is she engaged, but her fiance is there with her!! On the same deployment! GAH! What the hell is she (and he) thinking. Needless to say, I hope that they come down very hard on the two of them. They need to set an example in the Army (and all branches) that that kind of behavior is NOT acceptable and will not be tolerated. People need to be discouraged from cheating. Although, if you are going to cheat, you're probably going to do it any way.... after all, we all know what part of the man's body he thinks with most of the time. Women aren't much better and can be just as bad, if not worse.

Those two small stories, lead me to the 'big' one. We have several friends/couples that have split because of cheating. This will be one more notch on that belt.

My friend 'P' has a husband that is, for the lack of a better word, a GIGANTIC ass hole. He was verbally abusive to her and their young son and then he became physical with her. She called the cops and had 'S' arrested. He went to jail. His supervisor actually got mad at P for calling the cops and not her! HUH?!?! Wow, way to perpetuate the problem of domestic violence lady! What he did was a civilian issue and a CRIME, and he should be punished accordingly!

Anyway, she left and went back home for a while to make her realize that he loved her and needed to treat her and their son better or for their marriage to be over. She left in Feb.

He goes to see her about two weeks ago and the visit went fine. Happy couple, all is well, says nothing out of the ordinary to her. She was due to come home in May. He comes back here and a day or so after he gets home a guy named 'SM' calls P. He says S has been cheating on you and you need to talk to him about it. (SM and S had been friends for a long time and P knew SM as long as she's known S)

P calls S and he comes clean about everything. While P was at home S went out drinking. He met some girl (we'll call her slutcow for the rest of this post) and twenty minutes later they were in the bathroom having sex. Seriously people? Who has sex with someone after 20 min, in a bar? Can we say STD?

S takes slutcow back to S's house and proceeds to have sex with her over the weekend. There are pictures of P and their son all over the house! Plus P's stuff is there along with their son's. What kind of woman is 'ok' with that and what kind of husband does that? I get that the women owes nothing to P, she isn't the one cheating, but I would NEVER knowingly sleep with a married man when I was single and dating, ever. No matter what they say about 'getting divorced' or 'she doesn't mind' (riiiiight) it's just wrong. If you were the wife, you'd be understandably upset and hurt as well, so don't encouraged it!! and then the guy, OMG!! You cheating piece of shit. Get a life scum bag.

So she is going to come back here and stay with me for a bit while she files for divorce and what not. I can honestly say she is one of the nicest people I have met (no she doesn't read the blog) and can certainly do MUCH better than him. She's really sweet and adorable, she'll meet a great guy in no time, but I think she will enjoy being single for some time. I know she's really hurt by all of this, and who wouldn't be.

Cheating only tears families apart and hurts the soul. People need to think things through. He has a son. He will never get to see his son. Military guys move around often and I don't know any ex-wife that moves around with them. You basically lose your kids until they are teenagers and able to travel on planes alone to come for a visit once a year. I can't imagine purposely putting your kids through that.

I wish people would stop and think about it. Cheating on your spouse while they are away isn't worth it. The 3 second orgasm isn't worth tearing apart your family.

Relationships fail, and I get that. But if it isn't working, get help. If that doesn't work, get a divorce. No reason to go out and humiliate your spouse.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Spank Tank

HUH??? That was the first thing I said when J mentioned a 'spank tank.' I had no idea what he was talking about. Ok, I had an idea. I'm sure you've guessed it too.

You are not allowed to have sex over there, period. Plus most people are married (and SHOULDN'T be having sex over there). Well, men will be men and they all look for that 'release' one way or another. So what do they do? They have to 'rub one off' some how. They're under a lot of stress and I imagine it helps a little.

There are no private bathrooms or showers of course. There are no private rooms. There are about 50 guys bunked in one area (obviously each place is different). So, how do you get alone time? Well, you don't.

The guys build what they have lovingly coined 'spank tanks'. The go buy a cheap, thin blanket (remember, it's hot as he11 over there) and hang it up to cover their bed. If you are on the bottom bunk, I guess it's easier. You have now created your own little space. You can watch movies, TV, read, sleep naked, and you guessed it..... 'rub one out.'

I asked, 'aren't you guy embarrassed?' I know they all do it and they have to do it some where, and no one can see you this way, but still?!?! Nope. No one even bats an eye. Because every one does do it, and they all need their release.

So one big questioned answered, where do they find their sweet release?? In their own bed.

Next time, what about out on the road?? My guess is, when you are getting shot at, you aren't much in the mood.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Another Holiday Alone

As I sit here on the verge of Easter I can't help but note the obvious. Tomorrow there will be no big Easter meal like I enjoy cooking. No point in cooking a big meal for one adult and a toddler (who hates almost all foods anyway).

There will be family time, but we wont be whole. Our family isn't whole. Before J left he got the kids both Easter baskets, which I will drag up from the garage in a minute where they've been hidden for 2 months. Kayla and I dyed a few eggs tonight and tomorrow she will wake up really excited to see her new 'barbie'.

We did have a wonderful day though. Today was the first day in a month and a half that we got to see J. He was able to send us a few pictures and we even got to see him on the web cam for a few fleeting moments. It was sooooooo nice to see him again. K started to SCREAM, 'Daaaaaaaaaaaaady!! DADDY DADDY DADDY!! Look mama, it's daddy!' A sigh of relief, she did remember him and knew who he was right away.

K wont understand tomorrow any more than she did today why daddy is gone. Although she did mention that he is off fighting to save Princess Rainbow (where does she get these names?). She asked if Princess Rainbow was saved yet, and I had to tell her no, not yet.... but soon. Soon to a 3 year old is in 5 min. You can imagine how the rest of my day went.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful Easter and enjoys the time they have with their families. If you're like me, and thousands of miles away from any family and will be spending the day alone, I'll be there with you in spirit.


Monday, March 16, 2009

Are you sitting down?

A phone call is never going to go well when the first thing the person at the other end says is 'are you sitting down?'

That's how J called home tonight.

A friend of his maint. was in Afghanistan. He was just over there a few months. He was killed over the weekend by a roadside bomb. He normally worked on base, but was called off base to fix a vehicle. He had no combat skills, they don't go through special training.

I told J last week of a guy stationed on Ft. Rich that was just killed. He had only been over there a month, only in the Army for a year. He had a one year old daughter. That daughter will NEVER get to know her father. She will have no memories of him.

It kills me that our soldiers are still dieing EVERY SINGLE day over there. We haven't had any loses from our base in a while, now there are two in two weeks. Afghanistan is really heating up and I couldn't be more grateful that my DH wont (errrr, shouldn't) be there. It kills me to think that some people very close to me will be there.

What I find even more upsetting is our 'commander in chief' (using that term loosely right now) no longer calls it a war. It's now an ongoing struggle with terrorism. So I'm separated from my husband (he's missing watching our kids grow), who is being shot at..... for a 'struggle'. He is such an ass.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Only a folded up flag on the mantle




I don't want to come home to a folded up flag on my wall. I want to be able to come home and hold my husband. We don't always get what we want though. I pray to God that my husband is one of the lucky ones that makes it home. I know enough people that have lost loved ones over there, I don't want to know anymore.

Several years ago I was back in WI visiting family. I was on my way to meet a gf of mine (had just gotten off the phone with her). I was waiting where we were supposed to meet forever. Finally she showed up and got out of her car. She was in tears. I asked her what was wrong and she said 'S' died. I was shocked!! I couldn't believe it. I knew that he was over seas. H and S were to be married upon his return. She was living in his apt., with his cat. she spoke about how they'd planned to have kids when he returned. He had only been in the sandbox a few months, he had just gotten there. His stay there was short and he was to be on his way back home, only not the way he left. He was going to be flying back in a cargo plane, in a wood box. The homecoming wouldn't be joyous. Instead, his family would be filled with tears of heartache and pain. All she has is memories (great ones) and pictures.

Another friend of mine 'Nay' called a year ago to say that R had been killed. Nay and R were best friends in HS. I know Nay will never forget the times they shared in HS.

The list could go on and on.

I don't want 'just' memories and pictures. I want to be able to touch him and smell him. I don't want only a folded up flag on the mantle.


Thursday, March 5, 2009

The anatomy of a deployment





Before he leaves: You will have a fight a few days before he leaves. It can be a little one or a big one. This is normal and is a way for both of you to start getting used to being separated and apart from each other. Sometimes you'll be very surprised at what you'll argue over. You push each other away. You know in your heart that he's going to be leaving you soon, but it's like second nature. It's a defense mechanism. You figure maybe if I'm mad at him I wont miss him as much. Not only will you miss him just the same, you'll feel bad for spending time fighting before he leaves. You can't help it though, it's natural.









During the deployment: God has blessed us with an amazing ability to compartmentalize our lives. This will allow him to put you and the family in a little box in his mind and believe it or not - not think of you for a while. This is also a danger. It is a tough balancing act to remember you enough to keep connected yet keep the family out of his mind while on duty.






While he is able to put home in a box and not think about it - after all nothing where he is going will remind him of you. As a wife, you're around the same house, kids, friends, activities, etc. that will constantly remind you of him. You will constantly be reminded that he is not there. You have to plug into a good support group (wives, church, family, etc.). I've found that spending time with other military wives is especially helpful. Those going through a deployment or that have gone through one will be the most helpful. Only they TRULY understand what you're going through. They can lend a good shoulder to cry on, a big hug, and advice when needed






The homecoming: This will be quite a shock for both of you. There is a big readjustment period that takes place. He will come home and expect everyone to be just as he left you. In the mean time you (and the kid/s) will have grown, changed and gotten used to dealing with things without daddy. As he tries to pick up where he left off, you will have thoughts like, "I've been able to do this without you and now you are coming in here and making all the decisions without even asking me." Some wives want to hold on to the things that have been working while he was gone so that the next time he leaves it will be easier. Some wives will be more than happy to throw most of the responsibilities back to him. The kids are used to just mommy, now all the sudden daddy is back and taking up her time and trying to run things. It's rough. As you grow, you also grow apart slightly. So you have to learn to grow back together and re-connect. A deployment can rip marriages apart (I promise that J will call me at some point to tell me that so-and-so is getting a divorce, either during or after the deployment, may even be mine, you can't predict what a deployment will hold for you..... I pray it's not me or on of my friends, but you just never really know).






Fight for your marriage to work. Any marriage is work, a military marriage is 10X that amount.















One of the women from my fertility bg. posted a message like this and I just edited it, to explain a deployment and make it more general and less personal. *Thanks E!*

Day 1 & 2



He's gone. My husband is on his way to a world I know nothing of. I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like over there. The first day or so is the hardest. You're in your home that you share. Everything reminds you of him. You can still smell him and see his things, but you can't feel him. You'd give anything to have that last hug back.

Day 1:

I ended up getting a room on base so that I could spend those last few hours with J. We went out to dinner with some of other people deploying with him and then went back to our room. I got K in her PJs and tucked into bed. Then J came in to say good night to her. It was horrible. I had to leave the room so that K wouldn't see me so upset. He explained to her that he had to go to work and that he wouldn't be there in the morning. That he'd be gone for a very long time, but that he loved her and she needed to help me around the house. She said 'ok, love you!' and went to sleep.

I laid with J out on the sleeper sofa in the hotel room, just holding him. Trying to enjoy every last min. we'd have together. He fell asleep almost right away (it had been a very long night the night before when we said our goodbye's and he finished packing, ect.). I just laid there listening to him breathe, enjoying the last hug. At 1 am I woke him and told it was time for him to go. How horrible to have to tell you DH (dear husband) it's time for them to leave you and know you wont be able to see them for months on end.

He got up, called his shop to have someone come pick him up from the room. He kissed me goodbye and then quietly slipped out the door. He came back a few minutes later to give me another kiss good bye. Then he was gone. I laid alone in a hotel room, next to our new born son, crying.

My husband is an amazing person, doing an amazing job. He serves his country and helps keep millions of people safe at night and ensures their basic rights are never taken away.

I woke up in the morning and fed the baby. K came out shortly after and I watched Dora with her. I got her dressed and packed up the van. We went and got some food and made the long drive home. I made it all morning without a tear. We got home and I opened the front door and just lost it. I knew that my husband wasn't going to come home tonight.

K came up to me when I was crying and said 'Why sad? don't cry mommy, no worry.' She did fine and just said that daddy was at work and went about her day like nothing was different. Someone came to the door and she yelled "Daddy's home!" I had to explain to her again that no, daddy wasn't home and he wouldn't be home for a long time. I talked to another wife "T", via text off and on. She was having a rough first day too (her DH is with mine on this deployment).

I got to talk to J several times throughout the day and that helped to lift my spirit. I made K and myself dinner, then she wanted to take a bath. I got her bath set up and she jumped in. I was laying on the floor playing with B, when I heard K get out of the tub (she normally calls me and asks for my help and a towel). I looked up and saw her standing naked and wet in the hall. She started to cry and said 'Daddy's not home!' I got her a towel and hugged her and said no, daddy's not home. It finally hit her when daddy wasn't home for dinner and then for bath. He's always home in time for a bath.

I put her to bed and crawled into my own bed. It was my first full night at home, alone. I just cried and cried. It's sooooo difficult to deal with the fact that your Dh is soooooo far away and in harms way. It's even worse knowing there is NOTHING you can do or say to change that or help protect them. "T" ended up calling me as she was laying awake too. We just chatted and it took my mind away from things. I was able to fall asleep after our long chat, it was so nice. It was just a great distraction.

Day 2:

Kayla woke up this morning and I sat her down for breakfast. She just sat at the table, looking at her Cheerios crying saying daddy was gone. J called and she got to talk to him for a little bit and it seemed to help her. She went down stairs to play with her toys and has been laughing ever since.

I'm doing great today. I've gotten to talk to J a few times (he's still in the US, doing training before he leaves for over there) and I know he's still safe. I've adjusted to being away from him (this isn't our first rodeo) and spent the morning cleaning and doing laundry.

Our third (his fourth) deployment is now underway.

Sit down and buckle up. Share the journey and the experience with me and thousands of other military wives. Things are going to be scary, lonely, exciting, heartbreaking, and wonderful. Soon the sad stories of cheating, death, injury, family issues, ect. will start (it doesn't take long sadly enough). I seem to know an ever increasing number of wives that are away from the husbands right now and I look forward to hearing their experiences and being able to share them with you, good and bad.

The life of a military wife is a complicated, dynamic one that only other military wives seem to really understand.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009




The last 24 hours are horrible. In what should be a great time together, all you can think about is them leaving, that hurt in you stomach and your heart.

You lay awake that last night, hoping if you don't close your eyes, the night will never end. You can sit there and hold each other forever. You fall asleep only to awake a few hours later grateful it's not over yet.

I lay there, being held by J. Trying to memorize his feel, knowing it would be a long time before I felt his hug again.

Before I was ready for it, it was 7:30 and K was in our room saying 'GOOD MORNING!! Good sleep? It's a bright sunny day.' J got up with her and I got dressed, then brought the baby out to him to feed and hold. It breaks my heart that tomorrow when Kayla gets up, she's going to say 'daddy at work?' and I'll have to explain that yes, he is at work, but that he wont be coming home. She wont understand. As the days roll by I can't even imagine what she's going to think. Her grandma just left her and now her daddy. I doubt she'll be willing to let me out of her sight for a long time.

The first few days are the worst. You try to figure out a routine and get into a pattern. Your family is like a puzzle. If you have a complete puzzle, and then remove a piece, it just doesn't look right. No matter how small the puzzle, no matter how big or small the piece that's removed. Things don't look or feel right.

It's not so much that you're a 'single mom' or a 'single'. That part is the easiest of it all. Being 'alone' is no big deal. You go about your day and things move forward. It's the constant worry over your loved one. The constant fear that they'll get hurt. The horrific feeling every time there's an unexpected knock on the door. Wondering what they're doing, if they're ok, are they eating enough? Are they too hot and tired from not sleeping in days? What will they be like when they come home? What terrible things have they seen? The worry over them is constant and never goes away. There's a permanent pit in your stomach. The days seem to drag on at times, while you wait for your loved one to come home, so you can hold them in your arms once again.

I dread the drive home tonight. It will take an hour to get home. I will be alone. I will put our daughter to bed and then try to get our son settled. Then I'll tuck myself into bed and cry. Wishing that my husband was home for me to hold and to hug one last time. To feel his breath, kiss his lips, anything. Worried about what his future holds for him in a war torn country. Knowing he's over there to keep us safe at night an for our rights. I couldn't be more proud of him.


My small amount of joy in the day: We found out our puppy will be flying in on Sat.!! YAY! At last she will keep us beyond busy for a while.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

it's time to say goodbye

My DH leaves in just 48 hours. It will be here before I'm ready for it.

My friend 'Ash' (who is about to go through the EXACT same thing as she just had a baby also, so you'll hear about her often, I thank God I found her) pointed out just how hard it is to go through the goodbyes. The days leading up to it are the worst because you feel that sense of dread, that pit in your stomach, and you want to stay awake to keep the next day from coming. Then when you say goodbye, you want to rush to get it over with because it is so hard. The tears are flowing, you feel like you're going to throw up. Then when it *is* over with, you want it back so badly. You'd give anything to have those last hugs back. To smell them one more time, to feel their skin one last time.

The few days after they leave are the worst. You wake up that first morning and realize you're all alone. That you can't just pick up your phone and call them to say you're having a hard day or you love them. You know that your 'hard' day with kids is nothing compared to their hard days with the bombs, attacks, and gun shots. You have to find a new routine, a new path to take. The kids keep you busy and distracted, but your husband is NEVER far from your mind. You find your self daydreaming about what they're doing. Randomly crying as you grieve for them.

Time for our last Sunday breakfast together (makes me want to cry just thinking about it). As I said at the start, you never know what's going to happen in the life of a military wife (or her friends) and things are ever changing (in case you haven't noticed). Don't ever believe anything the media tells you about the military, it's not true any way.