Sunday, March 7, 2010

Suicide

Coming a little later............. It's a VERY long story, but some people just can't take the pressure of life.

Bottom line though, trying to kill yourself when you have thre children is disgusting and a horrible thing to do to your family (but that's my opinion)

That double life will get you every time

So, the shit storm around me continues. Sometimes it's great to be sitting in your glass house watching to poo fly around you, but other times you want to reach and pull some one into the safety of your lookout!

I had introduced Petrea and Jason. She was going through a divorce and he was just single (er, um... so I thought). She's one of the nicest people I had ever met and he seemed to be an honest guy (LOL!). I told them to go out and have fun. It turned into more than that and she wasn't interested. She was ok with being 'fuck buddies' if you will. She told him nothing more, he pursued her. He was like 'I love you, I want to merry you. I'll move to Canada with you when I got out of the military.' He was just head over heals about her! She felt guilty because he was such a nice guy and treated her well. So she said 'fine.' (who does that by the way?!?!)

Over the summer they had kind of split and another friend of mine came up. They did everything but have sex. No big deal, they're adults and both single. Fine.

A month ago Petrea and I were out at dinner. Jason was really upset she was out with me, which was strange considering Jason and I were friends and I was obviously friends with her. He was just super upset that we were hanging out (obviously no the first time we'd ever hung out!). Somehow Allison and Jason came up. She said something about them only kissing. I about fell out of my chair laughing. THAT'S why he didn't want us to talk!! He knew it would come up and he had lied to Petrea. I was laughing and tell that is hardly what happened. That I had walked in on them both naked on my couch (don't worry, I got new couches). So I KNEW 100% they didn't just 'kiss once outside'.

She calls and asks him about it and he gets pissed that we were talking about him and then begins to lie. He says that nothing happened, he promises her. That I'm a liar and a bitch (now that's not very nice Jason). I am now just 'done' with him. I CANNOT stand liars. If there's one thing I have zero tolerance for, it's liars. Not only did he lie, but he tried to throw me under a bus... that wasn't even moving! I've known Petrea for years and have no reason to lie to her. She believed me. But more than that you have Allison who says this is what happened and another GF of mine who walked in on them also! So obviously, Petrea knew the truth. She wasn't upset he had messed around with another women, they were broken up (and that night she was out with another guy)!! And she was messing around with other people since she was single. No big deal.

What pissed her off was the lie, which makes sense. He guilt's her into staying with him. He was on his way to Iraq and said he couldn't live with out her, blah, blah, blah. He was going to send her an engagement ring (barf) from Iraq. She went to see him TX after his training, before he got on 'that plane'.

I, on the other hand, was like 'up yours buddy!!' You don't accuse me of stuff (when you are lieing) and have me just be ok with it. I knew if he was willing to lie about something sooooo minor, he was a HUGE liar and lied about other things. I began to think when he went home before he left that he went to see another woman, ect. I had no proof and didn't say anything to Petrea other than he's a liar and I didn't trust him.

She calls me in tears a few nights ago.........................

She was on the web cam with him when her phone rang. She said, 'Hello?' A voice on the other end said, 'Is this Petrea? This is Darcy XXXXXX.' Petrea was just like 'OK'. Darcy goes on to say 'Jason XXXXXX wife.'

Petrea looks at Jason (they were on the web cam together!! OMG what timing!!) gives him the middle finger, and yells 'FUCK YOU ASS HOLE!' and hangs up on him (well, you know what I mean by hang up).

They chatted for almost two hours. Turns out, he was married. I don't mean married and they were separated or going through a divorce. I mean still married as in talked every day, visited each other, said 'I love you,' planned on being with each other, she had no idea he was sleeping with another woman, that kind of still married.

The kicker is Petrea has an STD. She has HPV, which can cause cervical cancer. She's always really careful and Jason knew. They began to have unprotected sex because he begged and begged. She told him the risks..... he basically could never have unprotected sex with another woman. He said they were going to get married, so that didn't matter. But Jason, it's pretty hard to marry a woman when you're still married to someone else!! DUH!

So that poor, poor wife of his now has to go get checked. He may have given her cancer! Petrea felt HORRIBLE! Her husband had cheated on her (as I've talked about) and that's why she's going through a divorce. Petrea would have never, ever, EVER gone near him with a 10 foot pole if she knew he was married.

As it turns out, every.single.thing. Jason had said was a lie. EVERYTHING! Down to the smallest of details. At one point he said he had cancer and was going through all this treatment, even getting out of work!! It was all a lie!! All of it.

There was another guy in the shop that helped carry on the lie, totally disgusting. I know a lot of people cheat in the military, and all over for that matter.... but this...... this is like serial killer, double life kind of crazy. I knew he was a liar, but had noooo idea had bad it really was. P later went to talk to the 'friend' and he said he knew about J still being married and everything. His response was: "every one in the military cheats." REALLY? I wonder if his wife knows that......

Little things keep coming out and she's finding out more and more everyday. He wrote a letter at one point before he left for a mission the other day saying he was going to carry out both relationships and see which one failed first..... niiiiiiiiice!!

I hope that at some point he gets the help he clearly needs, but I doubt he will ever go in. In his mind, he's just a jerk. In my mind, he's a lunatic.

A sample of WHAT?!?!

As I said, sometimes I hear the BEST stories. The other weekend was no exception!!

It was in the 40's one day, in February.... in ALASKA!! So the neighbors and I were all out drinking by the fire pit (although, my drink was just juice ;) ). That's, when you hear the best stories! So if you're ever hanging out with a big group of people, I highly recommend not having a drink and just listening, it's really funny.

Aside from the big snowball fight........ yes, you read that right. Snow.ball.fight. We were outside by the fire pit, in Alaska, in February, and there was a snow ball fight. I had to go in and use the restroom or I would have peed my pants from laughing when one of my neighbors picked up the other neighbor's teenage boy, slammed him into a snow bank and whitewashed him. For those Southern folks who have never seen snow, a white wash is when you take some one and rub a lot of snow in their face. It's HILARIOUS when it's a smart-ass teenager having it done to them.... trust me.

Braun is a lab tech. He told me of this day he had at work........................

He was in Iraq collecting urine samples from military members and locals and all kinds of people for different reasons. They test for infections, drugs, any problem that may. It is just a typical lab, but he was working in urine that day. A German guy comes up to the desk limping. He pulls a sample cup out of his pocket and it's full. Braun looks at it and starts to laugh. He asks the guy what it is. The guys says, I just couldn't do it any more. They didn't tell me how high to fill it, so I just filled it up. That's the best I could do.

This man had to give a sperm sample. He had filled the cup. Yes, I said filled. As in to the top.... with his man juices. Now, this is a regular sample cup that the doctor gives you to pee in. It was filled..... filled with sperm!!

How did he do this? Well, that's why he was walking funny. He had jerked off into this cup, so many times that he was raw. This man basically sat at home all weekend, jerkin off into a pee cup.

The kicker? They couldn't even use the samples. It has to be brought in w/i an hour or something. So allll his hard work, down the drain.

WHAT?!?! Is that what I think it is?!?!

DH and I have gone through a bit of infertility. While it isn't a long time compared to others, two years is hard on any woman trying to become pregnant.

While it seems that in the military almost everyone just gets pg., that couldn't be farther from the truth. I know a lot of women who just pop out babies no problem. I also know a lot of women who have a really difficult time. Living on a military makes this hard. When ever there is a huge unit homecoming, there are always babies. There's now a 'boom' and every where you look you see a pg. woman. This is REALLY hard if you are one of those women who have a difficult time. You go in to see the doctor and are surrounded by pg. women. To look at them makes you hurt inside. While some of them may have had a struggle and you are happy for them, you are sad for you! It's hard, period. You want to be a 'good' person and be happy for everyone..... some women are 'bitter', but really most of them are just sad for them. And that's OK. It's OK for you to be happy for someone else and sad for you. There's nothing wrong with hurting and feeling pain for something you need in your life.

Ben's birth was horrible, at best. It left me with a lot of scar tissue. What it took to have him was 2 years of trying and medical help. We were told we'd probably never get pg. again for a lot of reasons, at least not on our own.

We went to FL and had a great time!! We came home and got settled back into life here. About 3 weeks later I wasn't feeling well. At Christmas time I felt kind of gross, but thought nothing of it. I took a pregnancy test on New Years because I felt 'off.' I'd been pregnant 7 times and kind of knew what to expect or what it felt like. Sure enough, it was positive. I went in and started to have blood tests done every 48 hours for a few weeks. I had less than 1% chance of even getting pg. and the chances of an early miscarriage were extremely high for me.

It took over a week for the utter shock to wear off. Then it was fear. I'd lost so many pregnancies. This was now my eighth pregnancy and I only have two children. I had a cat scan while technically pg, but didn't have any idea. I was worried that if the baby did make it there would be something life-threatening wrong.



So far, so good. I am now in my second trimester and if everything goes well, we will be having our third child in mid-August. This is the smoothest pregnancy I've ever had, in terms of pregnancy. I have been REALLY really sick though. I had a flu bug and had to get IV fluids. I then had a nasty sinus infection which needs antibiotics. I then got fluid in my lungs. My healthy has been total crap, but none of it is pregnancy related. Go figure.

That is why I have been MIA. I'm hardly on the computer and when I am it's just to catch up with friends and family and then I'm off!! But, I promise to be better from now on :)

Who are you again?

First, I apologize for the lack of posts since James' return, it's been a loooong road..... you'll understand a bit more a little later on.

Ok, now on with it.


A homecoming from a 'long' (I know, there are some MUCH, much longer) is bumpy at best. People can say how perfect theirs ones and how soooo much in love they are and 90% of that is bullshit. They may be really love, but that's about the only part that's the truth about a homecoming.

You are so beyond happy that they are home. It's all you've dreamed about since the day you said goodbye. The problem lies in changes. People change. When you are apart, you often change in somewhat different directions. You get into habits and a set way of life. You do everything on your own and become very self reliant. Then one day, you go from being 'single' to married. Over night.

You get used to doing things YOUR way. You clean the house your way, you do the dishes and laundry your way, you discipline your kids your way. Your life is yours. Then, DH (or DW) comes home. It's hard for him because he's been away for so long and all he wants to do is be a part of the family again. He wants your attention, affection, time, and love. He wants to step in and help with the kids, but doesn't know how. Kids change the most. Being away for anything more than 6 months, they miss a LOT. Kids grow and change so fast, esp. before the teen years. And even the teen years are just change after change.



DH came home late. I left the kids home tucked in bed and had a friend come over to sit while I went and got DH. I picked up DH and was shocked to only see one other wife there for a group of about 8. There was no big homecoming. I met my DH at the bottom of an escalator, gave him a big hug and we went to luggage. There was no parade, there was no welcome party, no cameras, no news stations. We got his bags and 2 guys from his shop showed up. Typically when guys come home, at a minimum their co-workers show to welcome them home. These guys have been through SOOO many deployments now a days, that it's not even a big deal when people return. There are CONSTANTLY people coming and going. It's sad that this war has drug on for soooooo long and the men and women have done sooooo many tours that no ones seems to really care any more.

We came home, did what couples do, and he went to sleep. He was just happy to be home. I laid there next to him, wide awake. I hadn't had any one in my bed in almost 9 months. I was used to sleeping alone. Not only was there now someone in my bed, but I looked at him and didn't know who he was. I kept looking, trying to see if I'd recognize him...... nothing. We'd been apart long enough that I didn't know who he was any more. Nothing was said to hurt me, no one was mad. I couldn't help but lay there and think 'Who are you? I don't know you.' the first few nights after that, I asked him to sleep on the couch. There wasn't any fighting or being mad, I just couldn't get to sleep because I couldn't get over this feeling of a stranger laying next to me.

As the days went on, we settled back into our routine. We adjusted and became a family again. The first few days James went back to work, Kayla cried. While he was deployed we told her daddy was at work, because well, he was. So when he would leave she would ask where daddy went. I told her he'd gone to work. The tears would start to roll down her cheeks and she'd cry to me, 'NO! I don't want daddy to go to work because he not come home!' She was heartbroken at the thought of daddy leaving again and not coming home. I had to keep telling her daddy would be home before dinner and in time bed. She didn't believe and would sit and cry. After a week she got that daddy was coming home every day and life moved on with her.

Ben would just look at him. It was just mom and sister before. Now there's this other person. Is he good, bad? Luckily Ben adjusts well to new people and did just fine. James had missed most of his first year.

All in all this was the smoothest adjustment. After a few weeks home we all went on a vacation to the lower 48. We spent most of it in sunny FL and it was so nice to see the sun and the sand! i suppose with this being our third homecoming in just 5 years, you're bound to get good at it.

The general public doesn't understand how complex a homecoming is and what the families go through. A lot of people think, oh the family is whole again! They can be a big happy family now! I can assure you, this is almost never the case. There is usually at least one large fight and rocky times. It's a very rough road at first and some couples don't even make it through. Sometimes being apart for a year is just too much. People grow and change. Often, in different directions.