Who are you again?

First, I apologize for the lack of posts since James' return, it's been a loooong road..... you'll understand a bit more a little later on.

Ok, now on with it.


A homecoming from a 'long' (I know, there are some MUCH, much longer) is bumpy at best. People can say how perfect theirs ones and how soooo much in love they are and 90% of that is bullshit. They may be really love, but that's about the only part that's the truth about a homecoming.

You are so beyond happy that they are home. It's all you've dreamed about since the day you said goodbye. The problem lies in changes. People change. When you are apart, you often change in somewhat different directions. You get into habits and a set way of life. You do everything on your own and become very self reliant. Then one day, you go from being 'single' to married. Over night.

You get used to doing things YOUR way. You clean the house your way, you do the dishes and laundry your way, you discipline your kids your way. Your life is yours. Then, DH (or DW) comes home. It's hard for him because he's been away for so long and all he wants to do is be a part of the family again. He wants your attention, affection, time, and love. He wants to step in and help with the kids, but doesn't know how. Kids change the most. Being away for anything more than 6 months, they miss a LOT. Kids grow and change so fast, esp. before the teen years. And even the teen years are just change after change.



DH came home late. I left the kids home tucked in bed and had a friend come over to sit while I went and got DH. I picked up DH and was shocked to only see one other wife there for a group of about 8. There was no big homecoming. I met my DH at the bottom of an escalator, gave him a big hug and we went to luggage. There was no parade, there was no welcome party, no cameras, no news stations. We got his bags and 2 guys from his shop showed up. Typically when guys come home, at a minimum their co-workers show to welcome them home. These guys have been through SOOO many deployments now a days, that it's not even a big deal when people return. There are CONSTANTLY people coming and going. It's sad that this war has drug on for soooooo long and the men and women have done sooooo many tours that no ones seems to really care any more.

We came home, did what couples do, and he went to sleep. He was just happy to be home. I laid there next to him, wide awake. I hadn't had any one in my bed in almost 9 months. I was used to sleeping alone. Not only was there now someone in my bed, but I looked at him and didn't know who he was. I kept looking, trying to see if I'd recognize him...... nothing. We'd been apart long enough that I didn't know who he was any more. Nothing was said to hurt me, no one was mad. I couldn't help but lay there and think 'Who are you? I don't know you.' the first few nights after that, I asked him to sleep on the couch. There wasn't any fighting or being mad, I just couldn't get to sleep because I couldn't get over this feeling of a stranger laying next to me.

As the days went on, we settled back into our routine. We adjusted and became a family again. The first few days James went back to work, Kayla cried. While he was deployed we told her daddy was at work, because well, he was. So when he would leave she would ask where daddy went. I told her he'd gone to work. The tears would start to roll down her cheeks and she'd cry to me, 'NO! I don't want daddy to go to work because he not come home!' She was heartbroken at the thought of daddy leaving again and not coming home. I had to keep telling her daddy would be home before dinner and in time bed. She didn't believe and would sit and cry. After a week she got that daddy was coming home every day and life moved on with her.

Ben would just look at him. It was just mom and sister before. Now there's this other person. Is he good, bad? Luckily Ben adjusts well to new people and did just fine. James had missed most of his first year.

All in all this was the smoothest adjustment. After a few weeks home we all went on a vacation to the lower 48. We spent most of it in sunny FL and it was so nice to see the sun and the sand! i suppose with this being our third homecoming in just 5 years, you're bound to get good at it.

The general public doesn't understand how complex a homecoming is and what the families go through. A lot of people think, oh the family is whole again! They can be a big happy family now! I can assure you, this is almost never the case. There is usually at least one large fight and rocky times. It's a very rough road at first and some couples don't even make it through. Sometimes being apart for a year is just too much. People grow and change. Often, in different directions.

That Cheating Ass Hole

Ah, and so it begins.

3 weeks into J's deployment he called home to say they had been finding used condoms in the showers. First, EWWWW! You're so lazy you can't even throw them away? C'mon, that's just nasty.

Second, they'd only been gone 3 weeks, THREE WEEKS!! You can't go three weeks w/o sex? Wow, way to have self control!

Now, let me explain..... there are about 150 people in that 'group'. I'd say there are about 12 women total in that group. Being conservative I'd say that ONLY 9 or 10 were married or gay (or in a relationship). That leaves 2 or 3 girls that are single. I'd guess that at least 90% of the guys are married, gay, or in a relationship. So, odds are at least ONE person that was having sex was cheating, if not both. THREE WEEKS OUT!! and cheating already. Disgusting!

Then about a week later my friend 'Ness' tells me that an E3 (I think that's what it was) and an E6 were caught having sex. That is a BIG NO NO alone. An NCO isn't supposed to be messing around with a private. Put that little tid bit aside. I 'think' he was married (the E6) and she is engaged. Not only is she engaged, but her fiance is there with her!! On the same deployment! GAH! What the hell is she (and he) thinking. Needless to say, I hope that they come down very hard on the two of them. They need to set an example in the Army (and all branches) that that kind of behavior is NOT acceptable and will not be tolerated. People need to be discouraged from cheating. Although, if you are going to cheat, you're probably going to do it any way.... after all, we all know what part of the man's body he thinks with most of the time. Women aren't much better and can be just as bad, if not worse.

Those two small stories, lead me to the 'big' one. We have several friends/couples that have split because of cheating. This will be one more notch on that belt.

My friend 'P' has a husband that is, for the lack of a better word, a GIGANTIC ass hole. He was verbally abusive to her and their young son and then he became physical with her. She called the cops and had 'S' arrested. He went to jail. His supervisor actually got mad at P for calling the cops and not her! HUH?!?! Wow, way to perpetuate the problem of domestic violence lady! What he did was a civilian issue and a CRIME, and he should be punished accordingly!

Anyway, she left and went back home for a while to make her realize that he loved her and needed to treat her and their son better or for their marriage to be over. She left in Feb.

He goes to see her about two weeks ago and the visit went fine. Happy couple, all is well, says nothing out of the ordinary to her. She was due to come home in May. He comes back here and a day or so after he gets home a guy named 'SM' calls P. He says S has been cheating on you and you need to talk to him about it. (SM and S had been friends for a long time and P knew SM as long as she's known S)

P calls S and he comes clean about everything. While P was at home S went out drinking. He met some girl (we'll call her slutcow for the rest of this post) and twenty minutes later they were in the bathroom having sex. Seriously people? Who has sex with someone after 20 min, in a bar? Can we say STD?

S takes slutcow back to S's house and proceeds to have sex with her over the weekend. There are pictures of P and their son all over the house! Plus P's stuff is there along with their son's. What kind of woman is 'ok' with that and what kind of husband does that? I get that the women owes nothing to P, she isn't the one cheating, but I would NEVER knowingly sleep with a married man when I was single and dating, ever. No matter what they say about 'getting divorced' or 'she doesn't mind' (riiiiight) it's just wrong. If you were the wife, you'd be understandably upset and hurt as well, so don't encouraged it!! and then the guy, OMG!! You cheating piece of shit. Get a life scum bag.

So she is going to come back here and stay with me for a bit while she files for divorce and what not. I can honestly say she is one of the nicest people I have met (no she doesn't read the blog) and can certainly do MUCH better than him. She's really sweet and adorable, she'll meet a great guy in no time, but I think she will enjoy being single for some time. I know she's really hurt by all of this, and who wouldn't be.

Cheating only tears families apart and hurts the soul. People need to think things through. He has a son. He will never get to see his son. Military guys move around often and I don't know any ex-wife that moves around with them. You basically lose your kids until they are teenagers and able to travel on planes alone to come for a visit once a year. I can't imagine purposely putting your kids through that.

I wish people would stop and think about it. Cheating on your spouse while they are away isn't worth it. The 3 second orgasm isn't worth tearing apart your family.

Relationships fail, and I get that. But if it isn't working, get help. If that doesn't work, get a divorce. No reason to go out and humiliate your spouse.