Who are you again?

First, I apologize for the lack of posts since James' return, it's been a loooong road..... you'll understand a bit more a little later on.

Ok, now on with it.


A homecoming from a 'long' (I know, there are some MUCH, much longer) is bumpy at best. People can say how perfect theirs ones and how soooo much in love they are and 90% of that is bullshit. They may be really love, but that's about the only part that's the truth about a homecoming.

You are so beyond happy that they are home. It's all you've dreamed about since the day you said goodbye. The problem lies in changes. People change. When you are apart, you often change in somewhat different directions. You get into habits and a set way of life. You do everything on your own and become very self reliant. Then one day, you go from being 'single' to married. Over night.

You get used to doing things YOUR way. You clean the house your way, you do the dishes and laundry your way, you discipline your kids your way. Your life is yours. Then, DH (or DW) comes home. It's hard for him because he's been away for so long and all he wants to do is be a part of the family again. He wants your attention, affection, time, and love. He wants to step in and help with the kids, but doesn't know how. Kids change the most. Being away for anything more than 6 months, they miss a LOT. Kids grow and change so fast, esp. before the teen years. And even the teen years are just change after change.



DH came home late. I left the kids home tucked in bed and had a friend come over to sit while I went and got DH. I picked up DH and was shocked to only see one other wife there for a group of about 8. There was no big homecoming. I met my DH at the bottom of an escalator, gave him a big hug and we went to luggage. There was no parade, there was no welcome party, no cameras, no news stations. We got his bags and 2 guys from his shop showed up. Typically when guys come home, at a minimum their co-workers show to welcome them home. These guys have been through SOOO many deployments now a days, that it's not even a big deal when people return. There are CONSTANTLY people coming and going. It's sad that this war has drug on for soooooo long and the men and women have done sooooo many tours that no ones seems to really care any more.

We came home, did what couples do, and he went to sleep. He was just happy to be home. I laid there next to him, wide awake. I hadn't had any one in my bed in almost 9 months. I was used to sleeping alone. Not only was there now someone in my bed, but I looked at him and didn't know who he was. I kept looking, trying to see if I'd recognize him...... nothing. We'd been apart long enough that I didn't know who he was any more. Nothing was said to hurt me, no one was mad. I couldn't help but lay there and think 'Who are you? I don't know you.' the first few nights after that, I asked him to sleep on the couch. There wasn't any fighting or being mad, I just couldn't get to sleep because I couldn't get over this feeling of a stranger laying next to me.

As the days went on, we settled back into our routine. We adjusted and became a family again. The first few days James went back to work, Kayla cried. While he was deployed we told her daddy was at work, because well, he was. So when he would leave she would ask where daddy went. I told her he'd gone to work. The tears would start to roll down her cheeks and she'd cry to me, 'NO! I don't want daddy to go to work because he not come home!' She was heartbroken at the thought of daddy leaving again and not coming home. I had to keep telling her daddy would be home before dinner and in time bed. She didn't believe and would sit and cry. After a week she got that daddy was coming home every day and life moved on with her.

Ben would just look at him. It was just mom and sister before. Now there's this other person. Is he good, bad? Luckily Ben adjusts well to new people and did just fine. James had missed most of his first year.

All in all this was the smoothest adjustment. After a few weeks home we all went on a vacation to the lower 48. We spent most of it in sunny FL and it was so nice to see the sun and the sand! i suppose with this being our third homecoming in just 5 years, you're bound to get good at it.

The general public doesn't understand how complex a homecoming is and what the families go through. A lot of people think, oh the family is whole again! They can be a big happy family now! I can assure you, this is almost never the case. There is usually at least one large fight and rocky times. It's a very rough road at first and some couples don't even make it through. Sometimes being apart for a year is just too much. People grow and change. Often, in different directions.