Cheating Season? Open to all idiots

It's cheating season! All idiots are welcome to participate.

It isn't really cheating season, but it sure seems like it. I was told today that another friend of mine, M, will be getting a divorce. She filed yesterday and will be leaving the state ASAP. I can't blame her. N, her husband, is cheating on her. There are all of these random, weird text messages from women and phone calls and pictures. Then, he'd disappear for hours on end when he was just going to the store to get some milk. It happened all the time, excuse after excuse as to why he was coming home late.

I can honestly say, I saw this one coming. This marriage was sooooooooo filled with problems it was unbelievable neither of them killed each other. I suppose I should stop there and leave it alone for now, we can always come back to it. :O)

That Cheating Ass Hole

Ah, and so it begins.

3 weeks into J's deployment he called home to say they had been finding used condoms in the showers. First, EWWWW! You're so lazy you can't even throw them away? C'mon, that's just nasty.

Second, they'd only been gone 3 weeks, THREE WEEKS!! You can't go three weeks w/o sex? Wow, way to have self control!

Now, let me explain..... there are about 150 people in that 'group'. I'd say there are about 12 women total in that group. Being conservative I'd say that ONLY 9 or 10 were married or gay (or in a relationship). That leaves 2 or 3 girls that are single. I'd guess that at least 90% of the guys are married, gay, or in a relationship. So, odds are at least ONE person that was having sex was cheating, if not both. THREE WEEKS OUT!! and cheating already. Disgusting!

Then about a week later my friend 'Ness' tells me that an E3 (I think that's what it was) and an E6 were caught having sex. That is a BIG NO NO alone. An NCO isn't supposed to be messing around with a private. Put that little tid bit aside. I 'think' he was married (the E6) and she is engaged. Not only is she engaged, but her fiance is there with her!! On the same deployment! GAH! What the hell is she (and he) thinking. Needless to say, I hope that they come down very hard on the two of them. They need to set an example in the Army (and all branches) that that kind of behavior is NOT acceptable and will not be tolerated. People need to be discouraged from cheating. Although, if you are going to cheat, you're probably going to do it any way.... after all, we all know what part of the man's body he thinks with most of the time. Women aren't much better and can be just as bad, if not worse.

Those two small stories, lead me to the 'big' one. We have several friends/couples that have split because of cheating. This will be one more notch on that belt.

My friend 'P' has a husband that is, for the lack of a better word, a GIGANTIC ass hole. He was verbally abusive to her and their young son and then he became physical with her. She called the cops and had 'S' arrested. He went to jail. His supervisor actually got mad at P for calling the cops and not her! HUH?!?! Wow, way to perpetuate the problem of domestic violence lady! What he did was a civilian issue and a CRIME, and he should be punished accordingly!

Anyway, she left and went back home for a while to make her realize that he loved her and needed to treat her and their son better or for their marriage to be over. She left in Feb.

He goes to see her about two weeks ago and the visit went fine. Happy couple, all is well, says nothing out of the ordinary to her. She was due to come home in May. He comes back here and a day or so after he gets home a guy named 'SM' calls P. He says S has been cheating on you and you need to talk to him about it. (SM and S had been friends for a long time and P knew SM as long as she's known S)

P calls S and he comes clean about everything. While P was at home S went out drinking. He met some girl (we'll call her slutcow for the rest of this post) and twenty minutes later they were in the bathroom having sex. Seriously people? Who has sex with someone after 20 min, in a bar? Can we say STD?

S takes slutcow back to S's house and proceeds to have sex with her over the weekend. There are pictures of P and their son all over the house! Plus P's stuff is there along with their son's. What kind of woman is 'ok' with that and what kind of husband does that? I get that the women owes nothing to P, she isn't the one cheating, but I would NEVER knowingly sleep with a married man when I was single and dating, ever. No matter what they say about 'getting divorced' or 'she doesn't mind' (riiiiight) it's just wrong. If you were the wife, you'd be understandably upset and hurt as well, so don't encouraged it!! and then the guy, OMG!! You cheating piece of shit. Get a life scum bag.

So she is going to come back here and stay with me for a bit while she files for divorce and what not. I can honestly say she is one of the nicest people I have met (no she doesn't read the blog) and can certainly do MUCH better than him. She's really sweet and adorable, she'll meet a great guy in no time, but I think she will enjoy being single for some time. I know she's really hurt by all of this, and who wouldn't be.

Cheating only tears families apart and hurts the soul. People need to think things through. He has a son. He will never get to see his son. Military guys move around often and I don't know any ex-wife that moves around with them. You basically lose your kids until they are teenagers and able to travel on planes alone to come for a visit once a year. I can't imagine purposely putting your kids through that.

I wish people would stop and think about it. Cheating on your spouse while they are away isn't worth it. The 3 second orgasm isn't worth tearing apart your family.

Relationships fail, and I get that. But if it isn't working, get help. If that doesn't work, get a divorce. No reason to go out and humiliate your spouse.

Spank Tank

HUH??? That was the first thing I said when J mentioned a 'spank tank.' I had no idea what he was talking about. Ok, I had an idea. I'm sure you've guessed it too.

You are not allowed to have sex over there, period. Plus most people are married (and SHOULDN'T be having sex over there). Well, men will be men and they all look for that 'release' one way or another. So what do they do? They have to 'rub one off' some how. They're under a lot of stress and I imagine it helps a little.

There are no private bathrooms or showers of course. There are no private rooms. There are about 50 guys bunked in one area (obviously each place is different). So, how do you get alone time? Well, you don't.

The guys build what they have lovingly coined 'spank tanks'. The go buy a cheap, thin blanket (remember, it's hot as he11 over there) and hang it up to cover their bed. If you are on the bottom bunk, I guess it's easier. You have now created your own little space. You can watch movies, TV, read, sleep naked, and you guessed it..... 'rub one out.'

I asked, 'aren't you guy embarrassed?' I know they all do it and they have to do it some where, and no one can see you this way, but still?!?! Nope. No one even bats an eye. Because every one does do it, and they all need their release.

So one big questioned answered, where do they find their sweet release?? In their own bed.

Next time, what about out on the road?? My guess is, when you are getting shot at, you aren't much in the mood.

Another Holiday Alone

As I sit here on the verge of Easter I can't help but note the obvious. Tomorrow there will be no big Easter meal like I enjoy cooking. No point in cooking a big meal for one adult and a toddler (who hates almost all foods anyway).

There will be family time, but we wont be whole. Our family isn't whole. Before J left he got the kids both Easter baskets, which I will drag up from the garage in a minute where they've been hidden for 2 months. Kayla and I dyed a few eggs tonight and tomorrow she will wake up really excited to see her new 'barbie'.

We did have a wonderful day though. Today was the first day in a month and a half that we got to see J. He was able to send us a few pictures and we even got to see him on the web cam for a few fleeting moments. It was sooooooo nice to see him again. K started to SCREAM, 'Daaaaaaaaaaaaady!! DADDY DADDY DADDY!! Look mama, it's daddy!' A sigh of relief, she did remember him and knew who he was right away.

K wont understand tomorrow any more than she did today why daddy is gone. Although she did mention that he is off fighting to save Princess Rainbow (where does she get these names?). She asked if Princess Rainbow was saved yet, and I had to tell her no, not yet.... but soon. Soon to a 3 year old is in 5 min. You can imagine how the rest of my day went.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful Easter and enjoys the time they have with their families. If you're like me, and thousands of miles away from any family and will be spending the day alone, I'll be there with you in spirit.

Are you sitting down?

A phone call is never going to go well when the first thing the person at the other end says is 'are you sitting down?'

That's how J called home tonight.

A friend of his maint. was in Afghanistan. He was just over there a few months. He was killed over the weekend by a roadside bomb. He normally worked on base, but was called off base to fix a vehicle. He had no combat skills, they don't go through special training.

I told J last week of a guy stationed on Ft. Rich that was just killed. He had only been over there a month, only in the Army for a year. He had a one year old daughter. That daughter will NEVER get to know her father. She will have no memories of him.

It kills me that our soldiers are still dieing EVERY SINGLE day over there. We haven't had any loses from our base in a while, now there are two in two weeks. Afghanistan is really heating up and I couldn't be more grateful that my DH wont (errrr, shouldn't) be there. It kills me to think that some people very close to me will be there.

What I find even more upsetting is our 'commander in chief' (using that term loosely right now) no longer calls it a war. It's now an ongoing struggle with terrorism. So I'm separated from my husband (he's missing watching our kids grow), who is being shot at..... for a 'struggle'. He is such an ass.

Only a folded up flag on the mantle

I don't want to come home to a folded up flag on my wall. I want to be able to come home and hold my husband. We don't always get what we want though. I pray to God that my husband is one of the lucky ones that makes it home. I know enough people that have lost loved ones over there, I don't want to know anymore.

Several years ago I was back in WI visiting family. I was on my way to meet a gf of mine (had just gotten off the phone with her). I was waiting where we were supposed to meet forever. Finally she showed up and got out of her car. She was in tears. I asked her what was wrong and she said 'S' died. I was shocked!! I couldn't believe it. I knew that he was over seas. H and S were to be married upon his return. She was living in his apt., with his cat. she spoke about how they'd planned to have kids when he returned. He had only been in the sandbox a few months, he had just gotten there. His stay there was short and he was to be on his way back home, only not the way he left. He was going to be flying back in a cargo plane, in a wood box. The homecoming wouldn't be joyous. Instead, his family would be filled with tears of heartache and pain. All she has is memories (great ones) and pictures.

Another friend of mine 'Nay' called a year ago to say that R had been killed. Nay and R were best friends in HS. I know Nay will never forget the times they shared in HS.

The list could go on and on.

I don't want 'just' memories and pictures. I want to be able to touch him and smell him. I don't want only a folded up flag on the mantle.

The anatomy of a deployment

Before he leaves: You will have a fight a few days before he leaves. It can be a little one or a big one. This is normal and is a way for both of you to start getting used to being separated and apart from each other. Sometimes you'll be very surprised at what you'll argue over. You push each other away. You know in your heart that he's going to be leaving you soon, but it's like second nature. It's a defense mechanism. You figure maybe if I'm mad at him I wont miss him as much. Not only will you miss him just the same, you'll feel bad for spending time fighting before he leaves. You can't help it though, it's natural.

During the deployment: God has blessed us with an amazing ability to compartmentalize our lives. This will allow him to put you and the family in a little box in his mind and believe it or not - not think of you for a while. This is also a danger. It is a tough balancing act to remember you enough to keep connected yet keep the family out of his mind while on duty.

While he is able to put home in a box and not think about it - after all nothing where he is going will remind him of you. As a wife, you're around the same house, kids, friends, activities, etc. that will constantly remind you of him. You will constantly be reminded that he is not there. You have to plug into a good support group (wives, church, family, etc.). I've found that spending time with other military wives is especially helpful. Those going through a deployment or that have gone through one will be the most helpful. Only they TRULY understand what you're going through. They can lend a good shoulder to cry on, a big hug, and advice when needed

The homecoming: This will be quite a shock for both of you. There is a big readjustment period that takes place. He will come home and expect everyone to be just as he left you. In the mean time you (and the kid/s) will have grown, changed and gotten used to dealing with things without daddy. As he tries to pick up where he left off, you will have thoughts like, "I've been able to do this without you and now you are coming in here and making all the decisions without even asking me." Some wives want to hold on to the things that have been working while he was gone so that the next time he leaves it will be easier. Some wives will be more than happy to throw most of the responsibilities back to him. The kids are used to just mommy, now all the sudden daddy is back and taking up her time and trying to run things. It's rough. As you grow, you also grow apart slightly. So you have to learn to grow back together and re-connect. A deployment can rip marriages apart (I promise that J will call me at some point to tell me that so-and-so is getting a divorce, either during or after the deployment, may even be mine, you can't predict what a deployment will hold for you..... I pray it's not me or on of my friends, but you just never really know).

Fight for your marriage to work. Any marriage is work, a military marriage is 10X that amount.

One of the women from my fertility bg. posted a message like this and I just edited it, to explain a deployment and make it more general and less personal. *Thanks E!*